The One Where He Answers Your Questions. February 2, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: questions that are burning my mouth, random amusement, sharing is caring
7 comments
Thanks everyone who checked up on me yesterday, I’m still unsure how exactly I feel about being single again so no comment there just yet.
Now on with the show.
First, my short white twin asks: “if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?“
Well Heather, my answer would have to be the platypus. Yes, that thing. I would love to have the privilege to feel like I was God’s joke on the world. Seriously, when explorers found it that they thought someone was having them on. That it has the bill of a duck, the tail of a beaver, and the feet of otter is crazy enough. Those feet are tipped with poisonous barbs. Strange but not more much than everything else. Oh and did I mention it’s one of only 5 mammals that lay eggs? Yes, I said it lays eggs. Being the Frankenstein’s Monster equivalent of the animal kingdom would be great. Why? Because I’m an asshole like that.
Now, LCT asks: “What one thing do you want to achieve in life?“
Well no easy questions here ma’am. Sigh. I have a lot of life goals like convincing Kathy Griffin that I could totally be her intern and being there should the Atlanta Braves ever win the World Series. But I guess the top one would have to be that when I die I know that, despite my fears as a teenager, I have done good with my life.
Mindy asks: “Can 22 be the age where you FINALLY meet me?“
As it seems the North Carolina bloggers are a skittish bunch when it comes to meet-ups, I may just have to drive out west to see you myself. If I do, I promise to bring food.
Jean asks: “What is something that makes you laugh?“
Well as I am one of the most easily amused people ever, it is a really hard thing to pin down. TWSS. As I grew up watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, I grew to love watching and riffing on movies that were so bad, I loved them. Con Air? Armageddon? Street Fighter? 2012? The hammy acting, special effects failures, and physics research failures were hilarious to me. Please note that I do not believe anything from the syph outbreak known as Uwe Boll actually exists. There is such a thing as crossing the line.
Ari asks: “what song makes you dance-like-no-one’s-looking every time you hear it?“
Like an uncontrollable urge? Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal. That is the only song I will full-out break dance to when in public. The fact that I’m actually a good dancer lessens any embarrassment significantly.
Akirah asks: “what is your favorite alcoholic beverage?“
Three words. Hot. Buttered. Rum.
Four more words. Orgasm. In. My. Mouth.
Yesss.
And lastly, Mich asks: “If you won the lottery tomorrow, what is the first SPLURGE item you would buy?“
Ooh I like money. If you just want the first then I would have to go with…
WANT.
Any other questions for me? Go here and send ‘em in.
The One Where He Talks About Birthday Apathy, Feeling Like A Kid, And Happier Things Down The Pipe January 28, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: life, mi cumpleaños, please no lurking today, when i grow up
17 comments
So today is my birthday.
And I’m trying to care.
Maybe it’s because, yet again, I cannot celebrate my birthday by getting drunk.
Maybe it’s because I’m now 22 which is kind of a bullshit year.
I mean seriously, 21 is cool because I could then drink legally and make full use of casinos.
No milestone about 22.
Another year closer to 30?
Ha, no thank you.
Maybe it’s because I’m impatient about all the awesome things coming up later in the year.
Viva Las Vegas, anyone?
Maybe it’s because I’m still a good deal younger than most of my friends, both in real life and on The Internets.
You know what?
Maybe it doesn’t matter.
Maybe my birthday is just a fresh start to do things I didn’t as a 21 year-old.
To be more positive.
To be more tech-savvy.
To be more open to my friends.
To be more a better blogger. A better teacher. A better boyfriend. A better man.
On second thought?
22 might kick seven kinds of ass.
- I’ll be a college graduate come May.
- I am slowly but surely learning how to play my ukelele. This makes me all kinds of happy.
- This will be the year of the nomad. I’ll be traveling to New York and Los Angeles to check out schools. I will be in DC come June to sight see and hopefully meet some of my favourite bloggers. I will be sitting at the cool kids’ table when Bloggers In Sin City rolls around.
- I’ll be in a whole new city no matter what happens. And for the first time, it’ll be a HUGE city. Will also be my first time living outside of the South. Hello impending culture shock.
- I’ve enlisted the lovely PQ’s help in moving to my own domain once I decide just how I want to do this.
- I almost have enough cash squirreled away to afford a video camera. Expect epic vlogging to commence.
Now here is where I talk about what I want from you. I get about 300 hits a week on average. I have just shy of 50 GReader subscribers and 10 others who subscribe through WPress. I hear from maybe 15 of you regularly. So I want to know something about each of you. Doesn’t matter what, would just like to put some personality into some of those random stats. And in return, leave a question for me to answer and I’ll post them in an interview next week.
On Friendship January 25, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: a bit of schmoop, family, friends, life, love
6 comments
“Life’s better with company. Everybody needs a co-pilot.”- Ryan Bingham (George Clooney) “Up In The Air”
Or a group of them.
Free love and all that.
Your friends are the people who are celebrating with you at your highest. They are the ones who offer to shank those who hurt you. They are the ones who you can just hang out with in silence.
They burrow their way into your hearts and refuse to let go.
And you (eventually) realize that you like having them there.
They are the ones who show up every Sunday for dinner.
They are the ones who you stay up all night with playing video games.
They are the ones who you can go months without seeing and fall back into old routines like breathing.
They are the ones who stand with you at the end of the day.
They are the ones who you can talk to for hours and not run out of things to say.
They are the ones who let you know when you’re out of line.
They are your people. Your family. You may fight. You may hurt each other sometimes. You may split for a while. But the ones who stick it out are in for the long haul. They will be there for you to lean on. To cry with. To laugh yourself sick with.
And you are thankful for them, all of them.
Keep them close.
Be there when they need you.
Let them be there when you need them.
No one has to be lonely.
Trust.
Christmas 2009
So whether it is your roommate, ex-turned-best-friend, co-worker, significant other, or the crazy wonderful people you meet through the Internet, do right by them.
They deserve nothing less.
Love Harder January 22, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: 20SB, friends, life, love, people that restore my faith in humanity, sharing is caring, why I heart bloggers
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It’s two days late but WordPress is finally letting me publish posts again.
Our Plea
Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend. And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.
We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name. For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.
Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure. And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.
Love Harder,
Kendall
What You Can Do
- Give. Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide. Every dollar helps.
- Pass it on. Forward this story to five people. Share this blog post. Become our fan on Facebook.
- Love harder. Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next. Tell someone you love them today.
Where Your Money Goes
- The American Institute of Philanthropy recently named The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation one of the best organizations to give to in terms of their accountability and use of resources.
- By working closely with researchers, clinicians and partners in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry, the MMRF has helped bring multiple myeloma patients four new treatments that are extending lives around the globe.
- The MMRF has advanced twenty Phase I and Phase II clinical trials. They need your support to advance these clinical research programs and accelerate the development of better, more effective treatments.
- The MMRF’s Multiple Myeloma Genomics Initiative recently became the first to sequence the multiple myeloma whole genome in its entirety.
- A whopping 98% of your donation to the MMRF will be used immediately to support high-priority multiple myeloma research.
- With diminishing funding for early stage drug development and the next myeloma treatments not expected to be approved until 2011, the MMRF desperately needs your help.
DONATE: http://www.loveharder.org
CONTACT: theloveharderfund@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.loveharder.org
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org
Update: Over $3,000 has been raised so far. tres mil. And who says the Internet is filled with a bunch of uncaring people? Also? The store went online today here
“Life hard. Love harder.”
TMI Thursday: The Little Death. That Delicious Little Death. January 14, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: hilarity, sex, The Odd Duck Reviews, TMI? This does not compute, toys to play with
13 comments
You know how this works by now, loves. Welcome to TMI Thursday: The Sex Toy Edition
Word of warning before we start, I’m going to be talking about masturbation in this post. A lot. So if that kind of talk makes you uncomfortable, then please go here and come back another day.
You’re still here Reader?
Good.
It’s going to be an interesting ride to say the least.
My thought upon seeing the Pocket Gal was: “This isn’t going to cover me.”
But I figure I should give at least a little credence to one-size-fits-all and put it away. Not going to use it when I’m not horny. It’s like eating when you’re not hungry. No fun.
So come Tuesday, I was feeling The Itch.
Figuring I had about two hours before Scarlett got home from work, I decided to take my toy out for a spin.
Gotta admit though, I felt horribly weird at first.Then I got into it.
Having gone cold turkey for a while, my orgasm was more intense than normal. Had it not been for that I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much use out of this thing. And when I say more intense, I mean my legs were like jelly and I had that glorious little high of post-orgasm happiness.
I tried it again last night for the purposes of my review and well, my opinion of it kind of lowered a bit.
Because I like to end things on a good note (TWSS), let’s start with the negative side of this sitch.
- The toy is short. We’re talking 4″ inches here. Unless you’re below-average length, there’ll be no going balls deep on this one. It is good for stimulating the tip of the penis and the ribbed texture does feel good but unless you’re going through a serious dry spell there is nothing spectacular on this front.
- The big problem I have here though? Cleaning. The end is open so you will have to clean up the mess afterwards. Plus this thing isn’t pure silicon so you can’t really sterilize it. Using a condom here is definitely recommended as that simplifies things greatly. Also would not recommend using this to practice oral skills on for this reason and the fact that it does not feel good to the tongue. At all. Don’t ask.
So on to the good side of things now.
- The material is transluscent so you can see yourself moving in and out. For those who are very visually stimulated, I can see this as a turn-on.
- This thing is superbly portable. I’ve checked and it fits into the pocket of jeans, coats, backpacks, or in luggage for those solo trips.
- Training. Guys and women who are thinking about getting this for their FWB/boyfriend/husband, remember how I said that this toy was short and good at stimulating the tip of your penis? This toy does work as a good, if not great, trainer as it is easier to control ejaculation with just the tip. What does this mean? More lasting power. Something I can’t imagine anyone would really complain about.
My final thoughts?
For my first toy, it is a decent go. It’s very affordable at a bit over $20 plus shipping. Works as a tool for orgasm training, if not oral. A bit on the short side, which was a negative for me, but I suppose it being termed the Pocket Gal is an apt description. All in all, it seems to be so OK it’s decent. Not too bad, not too good. Just average. Honestly, I suggest saving up for some of the better ones. The Fleshlight looks promising.
All in all, I give this one…
3 Katies Out of 5
‘Til next time loves…
*Seriously. This was a lot of fun to write.
**I seriously want to hug everyone who commented on Monday’s post. You people rock my socks.
***The “I’ll Be In My Bunk” image belongs to beefranck and is inspired by a line in Firefly. You can guess the meaning.
This? This Is My Heart. See How It Breaks. January 11, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: 20SB, a plea for some compassion, clearing away the toxic, family, friends, life, love, my own little soapbox, on being sterile, people that restore my faith in humanity, serious business, shit that pisses me off, the stupidity of the human race, things I need to get off my chest, where I get a bit ranty
26 comments
Sunday evening, a few of you caught my outburst on Twitter, I apologize for that. For those curious, I am better now. Not a lot but I am no longer in danger of curling into a ball and sobbing or smashing something in anger.
Probably would have been both.
What could destroy every single shred of emotional stability I have like that, you ask?
If you have been reading this blog prior to last June or just read back through my archives, I make it pretty obvious that I adore children. We’re talking kid fever like woah. This is part of why I came to care for Daybreak as much and as fast as I did. If I’m in the supermarket and there is a baby around, I will make silly faces at them without fail. My paternal instincts have been turned up to 11 and have been since I hit puberty.
And in that lies the irony that played a big part in my hating God for almost 6 years.
Because of some damage to my testes, I have a very low sperm count. (Very simplified explanation.) As a result? Sterility.
The guy who wants kids so much so that it hurts? Can’t have them.
While I had known for years that I would have trouble fathering a child, going to a doctor and finding out that it would actually be a damn near impossibility outside of in vitro or adoption for me to have kids…there were tears. I eventually accepted this fact (as much as you can accept something like that) and had decided that when I was fully ready I would just adopt. Have to admit thought that it was easier to hide when I was a teenager and only two or three people I knew were having kids as opposed to now where seven couples are expecting, one just had a baby girl last week, and two others are actively trying.
Every single time I see a baby, I kind of melt into a puddle of goo. And even though it does hurt, I still love to make them smile or laugh. Seeing those eyes light up and hearing a loud giggle as they kick around leaves me with a huge smile on my face.
I am OK with that.
Then this happened.
Said video was also accompanied by a message saying I needed to learn to deal with the issue.
Seriously?!
You, as my friend, think you are doing me a favour by shoving that in my face? Bet you were surprised by how pissed I was at you during that phone conversation huh?
Would you send someone who had a permanent limp a video of a man running a marathon and tell them to deal with it?
No?
Then why the fuck would you send me something like that?!
I don’t get why taking a small moment to think before doing something is so hard for people. We aren’t that lazy, are we? It’s called compassion folks, practice a little.
The events of yesterday cost me a friend of 2 years. And as apparently I should be able to deal with this (in her own words, “keep how it affected me to myself and deal with it as a man ” and that I should not be angry for her “doing her duty as my friend”) I was told that she would better off without me.
Feeling’s entirely mutual, bitch.
Not letting it show how much things affect me led to me almost putting a gun in my mouth. I’m never going back to that. I refuse to.
So I’m going to bandage the new bruises on my heart. I’m going to find my happy place. And I’m gonna move on with my life.
Last night was not in the least pleasant. So after I hung up the phone and was trying to bottle the emotions until I could control them, I decided not to. I let it out and then I tried to find something that made me happy. Just one thing.
There really was no contest there.
And with tears still falling, I danced.
Even when my heart was clattering against the floor, I still found it in me to smile. That, dear friends, is dealing with it. The best way I know how.
*Thanks to everyone who sent me good wishes and checked up on me last night. You all win at life. Seriously.
**Super oh-my-god-I-would-hug-you-if-I-could thanks go to BelleRenee who having never heard of me nor knowing what my situation was not only sent her own good thoughts to me and asked how she could help but did not hesitate (there was seriously like a 2 or 3 minute wait) to agree to give me permission to use her famous vlog for this post.
***Comments are open on this post. Please don’t make me regret that.
I Love…Fridays Vol I January 8, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: 20SB, being thankful, i heart teaching, life, love, networking, shit that makes me happy in the pants, The Girl
8 comments
This idea comes from PQ who you should all start reading now if you aren’t all ready. Because she is seven different flavours of awesome.
I LOVE…that this frigid weather is an excuse for me to wear the toboggan I got for Christmas. Because being able to wear one of my hats to work is ALWAYS a great way to start the day. Yes, I do have a hat fetish.
I LOVE…that so many people have commented, tweeted, texted, and/or e-mailed me about writing a review of the Pocket Gal for next week’s TMI Thursday. Done.
I LOVE…that the fabulously badass Liz from It’s Unbeweavable, in a spur of the moment Gchat conversation, gave me the e-mail for Dave at Eden Fantasys to talk about the possibility of being a reviewer for male sex toys. Being paid to write? Awesome. Being paid to write about fun things that I can get off to? Crazy. Being paid to write about things that get me off and that are sent to me for free? Crazy awesome indeed.
I LOVE…that my flu has finally calmed the fuck down and I feel human again. Being able to eat stuffed french toast from IHOP? It gives me a happy. In my mouth.
And in my pants.
I LOVE…that there was a 2 hour delay which means that I was able to spend time with The Girl at IHOP for said french toast. The Girl who I have only seen twice since Monday. And who I may have spun around and made out with in the parking lot for a tick.
I LOVE…that at about 5:20, me and Scarlett will be boarding a plane to New York City to see Wicked tomorrow. On BROADWAY. And going BACKSTAGE! Stupidly excited about this people. Like may just pee myself a little. That’s forgiveable in this instance, right?
I LOVE..that I’ve managed to clean my house from top to bottom while home sick. It helped beat the boredom and keep my mind off cramps. We’re talking sweeping, mopping, dusting, organizing, and general pick-up.
I LOVE…that I am now guaranteed to graduate cum laude and if I can get A+ in my last two classes this semester, magna cum laude.
I LOVE…that while I had so much time at home, I made a bunch of new friends on the Internets and especially around 20SB. You guys are absolutely fantastic. To everyone who sent me get well wishes, suggestions on books, tech help, and just generally made me smile or laugh, you rock.
I LOVE…that my seniors made me a huge welcome back card when they heard I would likely be back to work today. Considering how much work I’ve had them do since August, this made me grin like an idiot.
Dear Friday, if I could I would totally motorboat you. That is just how awesome today is.
Keep up the good work.
Love,
Kendall
TMI Thursday: Where I Take The Plunge And Whip It Out. My Credit Card That Is. January 7, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: because I keep it klassy, breaking double standards, life, love, sex, sometimes i want to smack myself, the dry spell, The Girl, TMI? This does not compute, to boldly go where I've never gone before, who i am
16 comments
First let me say thanks my lovelies for all the book recommendations, I think I’ll be busy for a while. And an extra big thank you to Jean for that super list.
Now moving on to the main event of the evening afternoon morning.
Appearances can be deceiving.
People who don’t know me well assume that I am mild-mannered and timid. How this occurs is beyond my comprehension considering I drop the f-bomb like it’s going out of style and can turn most remarks to mean something perverted.
Most likely it’s that people see that most of my friends are female and from that decide I must not have much interest in the fairer sex.
Considering how much I love sex, that’s patently untrue.
Due to the fact that none of my close female friends feel at all weird talking about their PMS cramps and how much a pain tampons are, people seem to forget that I am a guy. One, who while he may be discreet about it most of the time, thinks about sex as much as any other. If not more so.
So this dry spell? NOT FUCKING COOL.
Because of my old-fashionedness, I know that if I were to have sex with The Girl at this point then I would feel wrong. Why? Not fully sure. What I do know is that I’m not willing to fuck this up by thinking with my dick. Probably good part of the reason why me and V imploded so spectacularly. Aside from, you know, the whole long distance and racial slur situations.
But whatevs.
Sometimes a date with Rosie Palms just doesn’t cut it. Then Scarlett, in her normal fashion, simply asks why don’t I just buy a sex toy to help make things interesting.
The idea had never occurred to me. And for some reason, I felt ashamed for even considering it.
Long-repressed Catholic Guilt?
Then I remembered just who the fuck I am.
I’m the guy who can make a female jealous of a grape.
I’m the guy who laughed in a girl’s face when she thought a five-inch cock was huge.
I’m the guy who demonstrated his lack of gag reflex by sliding a 20 oz bottle into his mouth.
Senso Silicone Pocket Gal
It arrives tomorrow. *grin*
Happy TMI Thursday, loves.
*My toy was found here
On Packing Up The Baggage, Letting It Go, and Moving On January 4, 2010
Posted by Kendall in Uncategorized.Tags: contemplating my navel, life, love, moving on, stream of consciousness, when i grow up
8 comments
It struck me as if a sucker punch from Zeus himself.
Powerful, unexpected, and unavoidable.
I denied it at first, of course.
Sadly, I’m too pragmatic for self-delusion to last long.
I am not sure when it happened. Somewhere between that first meeting in July and her sleeping off the effects of a cold in my bed. Regardless of the when, the truth is undeniable.
I am falling in love with this woman.
Oddly enough, panic has yet to set in.
Maybe it means I’m growing up.
…
Yeah, I think that’s kind of hilarious too.
After the pounding my heart took last summer, a smart man would have avoided this. A smart man would have known exactly where blurring the line between good friends and flirtation would lead. A smart man would have learned all ready not to wear his heart on his sleeve.
I suppose this is a case where dumb is good.
For all my issues, I am a fairly straightforward person.
So as I helped her after she fell on the ice for the umpteenth time, trying to balance on her skates, I smiled. This woman, who had no idea how to ice skate, invited me out for no other reason than to cheer me up after a horrible day.
And it was here I realized I am falling in love.
Not ready to say it aloud but I can admit the feeling is there.
Growing with every conversation.
As my walls are broken apart bit by bit, I am OK.
No panic.
No fear.
No doubt.
I am just…calm.
And that is something I am not used to. Have to admit though that it’s a welcome change.
Eventually I will tell her. When I am ready to say the words. When she seems ready to hear them.
Until then I’m not going to stress it.
I’m finally me again.
About fucking time.
