TMI Thursday: Why Pretty Much Nothing Can Scar Me
I originally wasn’t going to participate this week as I had nothing recent that could top ingesting my girlfriend’s menstrual fluid. Keyword of that being recent.
Now as I’ve mentioned before, I worked in a small restaraunt for my entire high school career. My two coworkers, Lina and Gwen, had nominated themselves as my big sisters and acted the parts. They themselves had also been dating for years.
It’s the spring of 2005 and I’m in New York with their families and other friends for their wedding. Now as I was the only male aside from their dads Lina’s dad said he would go help me pick out a tuxedo from the rental shop. Lina says no, they’ll take me as it gets them away from the estrogen brigade. Her words, not mine.
So I’m with them in the backseat of a taxi and looking around Manhattan as we bob and weave through traffic. I’m a 17 year-old male. Next to a gorgeous 22 and 23 year-old. Keep this fact in mind.
It is also important for you to know one fact about Lina. While she was a tiny thing, she was also the single horniest person I have ever met. When I heard girls try and say that guys were more perverted, I would think back to that taxi trip and laugh.
I hadn’t been paying a whole lot of attention to the conversation going on next to me but then I heard a very low moan. At first, I brushed it off as my imagination until I heard the same thing again. I turn now to be met with a sight that even four years later is still pretty vivid. Lina had apparently gotten bored and pulled out a vibrator the size of my finger.
Me and Gwen both look at each other in horror as we can’t say anything to her as the cabbie would hear us. Nothing puts the damper on a wedding like an arrest for public indecency.
So after I’ve gotten my tux and we’re back at the hotel I’m there when Gwen asks what the hell she was thinking masturbating in the back of a cab.
“Would you rather I brought out the dildo instead? I’m not completely indiscreet.”
It says a lot about my relationship with these two that:
A.) This was not my first time seeing a vibrator in real life.
B.) This was not even close to the first time I heard these talking about sex.
C.) That my only thought was “this nut is going to get arrested on her wedding day” and not “holy shit, there’s a girl masturbating right beside me”.