As Lilu always says: “Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!”
It recently occurred to me that I had covered almost every bodily function except piss. This oversight shall now be corrected.
This little nugget takes places years ago, when Clinton was still president, Fbook didn’t exist, and I was still innocent.
Now when I was younger, I was a wild sleeper. It was not uncommon for me to wake up halfway sprawled on the floor in the middle of the night. Nor was it for me to find myself bruised from banging against the wall.
Apparently somewhere down the line, I picked up the nifty habit of sleepwalking.
Once when my mom’s much younger sister was spending the night with us, I tried to go out the front door at 3 AM. The only reason I didn’t make it out was because our alarm went off.
For the next year, I’d have various incidents in my sleep like trying to eat one of my sister’s dolls or once finding myself laying on the kitchen floor. Weird shit like that.
The last incident, now that was a doozy.
I woke up one morning, showered and got ready to catch the bus. I notice my mom and sister giving me weird looks but don’t pay much attention to it. As I’m walking into the kitchen I notice a few drops of yellow liquid on the floor, again I write it off.
It’s when I see that our trashcan has been cleaned overnight and still smells of bleach that I start putting things together.
The final clue? I remember using the bathroom in my dreams.
The conclusion I reached…yeah, not pretty.
As soon as I get home, I ask my mom if I did anything weird the night before. She changes the subject. I ask my sister. Same thing.
To this day, I still don’t know for sure if I pissed in our trash can in my sleep. If so, I’ll just call it early practice for those nights where I’m drunk enough to piss in strange places (hasn’t happened yet to my knowledge).
Whoever said ignorance was bliss should be punched in the crotch.
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That totally sucks bro! Damn.
Hahaha! I had a dorm mate during the first weekend of college who sleep walks. He walked out of his room, went into the RA’s room, threw his pillow at the sleeping RA, went to the RA’s bathroom & peed and then went back to his room. The RA was so confused.
I’m gonna say it’s a safe bet that you did.
You know how I’m a sucker for happy endings…
I bet you did.
But to make you fell better? I one time tried to pee in my friend’s guitar case when I was drunk…I mean, sleepwalking.
that should be “feel”
Umm…that’s hilarious. And I think you probably did pee in the trash can. So just accept it and try not to let it happen again. Ha!
At least you didn’t pee on yourself, right? But why wouldn’t they tell you? Ha.
Note the tags, dear. I come right out and say that my family is a bunch of sadists.
[...] The Odd Duck’s TMI Thursday: Blissful Ignorance FAIL [...]
At least you didn’t pee on one of them! That would definitely have been much worse lol