Home > Uncategorized > Wednesday Workshop: Why I So Often Describe Myself As A Failure

Wednesday Workshop: Why I So Often Describe Myself As A Failure

It’s that time again, my freaky darlings. My prompt this week goes as follows:

3.) Describe a “new road” you’ve taken in your life.

Originally I was going to do the “talking mouse” prompt but that’s kind of taken a life all its own. So this is a tide-over so to speak. I promise to put up my short story once it’s finished.


I have often said that I feel college has made me dumber but most people don’t realize how little I am exaggerating that statement.

In January/February of my senior year of high school, I received a letter from the University of Florida offering me a full scholarship. Needless to say I jumped on it. I arrived not knowing a soul and by the time November rolled around, it had become my home. As an old friend put it, “Florida was my home, North Carolina was just where I grew up.”

However, I was struggling to pass one class and was averaging a low C in another, my other twp classes I was coasting with a low B. Knowing my average could handle a C much more than it could a failing grade, I skipped a review section and end up missing the announcement about a change in final exam time to study for the class I was afraid to fail.

I missed that final and thus failed that class. The one dim ray of light was that maybe my hard work had paid off and I managed to scrape a passing grade in the one I studied my ass for. No dice. About a week later, I receive a letter dismissing for poor academic achievement.

I applied for readmission that spring. Denied. And right after spring break, had to move out of the dorm. I had told no one about this so when that time came I made a decision and started my brief stint as a homeless person.

I’m not going to go into all the details because I’m still too ashamed to talk about it as only Tinkerbell and Eva know everything about those days. All I will say is that this period ended with me being arrested for vagrancy.

I came back to North Carolina, sick with guilt, at least mildly traumatized, and with only a promise not to do so keeping me from ending my life. I am completely serious when I state that Tinkerbell saved me back then.

So come January, I took about 17 hours of community college classes in attempts to be readmitted to UF. However, the past year had taught me to always have a backup plan and a backup for that backup and applied to the University of North Carolina – Chapel Hill as well as several other schools just in case. It was during one of those community college classes that I became friends with Eva.

Because of my distraction from studying for midterms that I failed to doublecheck whether my transcripts had been sent to UF in time for the cutoff date. The word ‘failure’ seems to be pathetically common in my life.

However I was admitted to UNC and began making plans to share an apartment with the Bait come May. My educational life was finally getting back on track. But there was a serious snag in regards to my personal life.

But that story has largely been told here and here.

I can’t believe I even admitted to half of this. I can’t but feel like I have some rather pointed comments coming my way. All I can say to those who wish to do so is that you cannot say anything, and I mean anything, that I had not thought to myself multiple times over.

I am proud to admit though that I’ve maintained at least a 3.6 for the past three semesters (including the summer) and am on track to graduate on time in the spring of 2010.

I’ve come a long way from where I was this time last year. But at least I know who I am and what I am capable of now. Most importantly, I’m happy with that knowledge.

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  1. blueviolet
    December 11, 2008 at 2:00 PM

    It sounds like you learned a lot through your roads traveled and that’s what it’s all about. 🙂

  2. Mama Dawg
    December 11, 2008 at 6:26 PM

    Good for you.

  3. dmb5_libra
    December 11, 2008 at 8:11 PM

    im almost positive that its old age that makes you feel dumber.

    lessons learned my friend.

  4. April
    December 12, 2008 at 2:08 AM

    Thanks for sharing. We all make mistakes so we can learn from them. Sounds like you did.

  5. Mama Kat
    December 15, 2008 at 2:33 PM

    Oh my gosh! Just keep pushing on…you’ve already showed what kind of strength and tenacity you have by continuing to forge ahead. I’m glad you’re in a better place with people who love you!!

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