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On Appreciation

You never know quite what you have until it’s gone. I thought I had all ready learned that lesson last year, really DID NOT need the remedial course.

I remember being afraid of Eva developing feelings for me, thinking I did not deserve a second chance. That she could do so much better.

I remember feeling terrified and simultaneously amazed that Daybreak would adopt me as her dad and that I would come to think of her as my own.

Slowly but surely, these two carved out a home in my heart. So when Eva told me we should stop seeing each other, it was like my world stopped. My heart pounded and my eyes widened as I tried to comprehend why.

Yet despite how horrible I felt and still do, I almost hissed a negative response when asked if I regretted dating her in first place.

From her using my legs as a pillow while we studied, to picnic lunches in the park and lazing the day away playing, to the days I would keep an eye on Daybreak while Eva worked, to teasing each other like a family would, the past seven months have been some of the happiest of my life and I would not trade them.

One of my greatest fears was that I would do something to screw up this relationship. In the irony that seems to govern my life at times, I did too well trying to prove I could do right by someone and Eva broke up with me before we got too close for lasting damage.

My simple response was, “it’s too late for that hun.”

So Internet, I turn to you in my time of need. Especially those of who you are single parents or have dated them.

Is it OK to be selfish and want this to work even after she broke up with me? Or should I just try and be her friend? I’m at a lost here as I want so badly to just say screw it and kiss her senseless the next time I see her. I probably won’t (not saying never as I know how my emotions take over at times) but it won’t be for lack of desire to.

I know when to admit that I’m in over my head. Now is most definitely one of those times.

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  1. Minxy Mimi
    December 19, 2008 at 3:41 PM

    I think its perfectly normal to want things to work out, its not selfish at all. Daybreak is a child, yes? Is there a way you can have a weekly time to be with her/him? As for being friends, thats hard if you love someone very much… I hope things work out.

  2. Denise
    December 19, 2008 at 4:30 PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this! I don’t know the reasons she broke up with you but I do know how crappy that feels – ESPECIALLY with a child involved! 😦 It is TOTALLY normal to want things to work out – that is NOT selfish at all.

    But sometimes…in order to get through the pain and through the lonliness and all that…is to stop all contact. I know that sounds horrible but the more you see her, the harder it will be to let go. Each time you see her it will hurt more and more and you don’t deserve that. 😦 You deserve happiness – not pain and lonliness.

    With Daybreak involved, maybe you can work something out where you get to spend time with her? It’s so sad when children get involved in these things because they hurt too. Talk to Eva and see if visiting with her would be okay?

    Take time apart for now…and see where it ends up. Sometimes a “break” is all people need to realize they are meant to be together.

    Most importantly – TAKE CARE OF YOU.

    (((HUGS))) you are in my prayers!

  3. little miss optimist
    December 20, 2008 at 3:19 AM

    Omg, I AM SO SORRY to hear this!! I had no idea this had happened :(. I never thought this would happen, honestly. You know I know how hard it is and if you ever need someone to talk, please feel free to message me/contact me on Facebook (and my aim is on there as well). You really helped me get through my breakup and I hope I can help you as well. You are an AMAZING person, and you will get through this…and it’s not selfish at all to want this to work. I just don’t understand…do you know why this happened? You will get through this!!

  4. Diane
    December 20, 2008 at 9:39 PM

    I think it depends on why the break-up occurred… if something bad happened. And only you know what you’re capable of… being friends isn’t possible for everyone. When kids are involved, it can be really hard. They don’t understand why someone they love isn’t there anymore… but sometimes it’s not fair to keep the person in their lives if they’re not going to fulfill the role the child wants/needs. If you stay in their lives, will Daybreak always expect you to be her Papa? She’s been asking you to marry her mother and give her siblings. She’s clearly attached and it seems you guys fed and encouraged that attachment. But now, if you can’t be her Papa, it might not be fair to be there at all. You have to do what’s best for her and you have to try to be objective about that. I’ve only dated one person seriously since my divorce and I don’t introduce to Ryan to anyone unless I think they’re going to be around for a while. When I ended that relationship, she got hurt. She knew it wasn’t her fault but she missed him. It made me realize I have to be even MORE careful than I had been. It’s a hard thing.

    Good luck. I’m sorry it happened and I hope everything turns out OK.

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