Home > Uncategorized > TMI Thursday: Open Mouth, Insert Aunt Flow

TMI Thursday: Open Mouth, Insert Aunt Flow

~WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD~

Apparently in a previous life, I looked up at both Murphy and Karma, flipped them off, before pissing in their cereal bowls. That’s the only explanation I can think to describe Tuesday’s situation.

It is normally pretty hard for me and Eva to spend time together in the middle of the week so when an opportunity arises we’ll more than likely take advantage of it.

So when I get a text message during class asking if I had time to meet Eva back at my apartment for lunch and sex, I was all too happy to say yes. I pick up some Chick Fil-A for us both on my way home and meet her down in the parking lot of my complex.

Actually let’s skip the food and conversation to get right down to the nitty gritty.

Now I love oral sex. Both giving and receiving. So as I’m relieving some of Eva’s stress, I notice she starts to squirm and thinking it’s just an orgasm I keep focused on my task. As I was expecting fluid to leak into my mouth, I wasn’t at all surprised when something hit my tongue.

Then I notice that what I’m tasting has a copper taste to. In fact it tasted a bit like…

My eyes shot wide open and I had hopped off the bed and shot toward the bathroom sink in the span of less than ten seconds. By the time Eva realized I had moved away, I was all ready brushing my teeth vigorously. I spat the toothpaste down the drain before rinsing my mouth out and going back into my bedroom.

Apparently there was still some blood on my chin as Eva thought my sudden departure was due to injury. “Did you bite your tongue open or something?”

I shake my head.

“Then where did the blood on your lips and face come…from…please tell me that what I think happened did not really happen?”

I nod.

“You mean I started my period while you were licking me?”

I nod again.

She covers her head with one of my pillows and lets out a muffled scream. I go over to her ginormous purse, riffle through it for a few moments, find a tampon, and place it in her hand. She goes off to put it in while I try and wrap my mind around what just happened.

When she comes back into my room, all plugged up, she looks down at herself and asks out loud why her period had to come early and “can’t a girl just get laid around here?”

I start to snicker.

She gives me a death glare. I start to actually laugh.

She huffs and throws a pillow at me. I take it to the head and am now nearly crying from laughter.

As I’m wiping the tears from my eyes, she asks in her most indignant tone just what about this was funny.

I look at her for a minute, shrug, and say that this must be karma’s payback for me vomiting on her boobs.

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  1. Matt
    February 19, 2009 at 2:11 PM

    Wow.

    Just Wow.

    That was pretty much my reaction later.

  2. February 19, 2009 at 2:14 PM

    I’m thinking that might have fallen under the category of TMI. Yeah, definitely TMI. But it’s good that you feel so comfortable with the Internet that you can share :).

    The vomit tie-in was pretty funny, though :).
    I don’t think (and honest to God, hope) I could ever top this story. And the TMI factor is why I changed it to password protected.

  3. February 19, 2009 at 2:36 PM

    Thank god you titled this what you did, or I’m not sure I would have been able to handle the shock.

    Poor girl. It’s not everyday you period in someone’s mouth.

    I was so very tempted to write a completely ambiguous post title but I’m not that mean. She felt horrible about it but by yesterday found it hilarious. “Better to laugh than cry” and all that.

  4. February 19, 2009 at 2:37 PM

    Poor guy.

    You vomited on her boobs? (I’d love to hear that one.)

    This is kinda like when my boyfriend jizzed in my eye. That was horrible. My eye was red for hours!

    Indeed, it’s one thing to engage in intercourse while she’s on her period, but it’s another thing to ingest her period. I’m sorry, poor chap.

    Sex is just a really awkward, really embarrassing thing sometimes. I definitely believe it’s best to share those intimate moments with someone you love. That way, you don’t have to worry about someone breaking up with you because you jizzed in her eye. Or bled in his mouth. Hahaha!

    If you go to my TMI Thursday post from two weeks ago, you can read the vomit story. He jizzed in your eye? Oh wow. It really is a whole other kettle of fish to have that in your mouth. This may just be one of my favourite comments ever if only because of that last paragraph.

  5. February 19, 2009 at 3:06 PM

    I guess you could say it was tit for tat. I am so grateful that has never happened to me. (yet) (Knock on wood) (the puking nor the period, that is).

    Let us hope it remains that way.

  6. X.T
    February 19, 2009 at 4:34 PM

    Okay, wow. That’s pretty much my worst fear right there. Poor Eva! The whole “can’t a girl just get laid around here?” comment made me laugh because I can relate. Mother Nature has wicked and cruel timing 😦

    When she said that I was pretty much laughing myself hoarse. And yes, Mother Nature does have cruel timing.

  7. Ben
    February 19, 2009 at 6:36 PM

    I guess it just reminds you that we are all just blobs of flesh going around leaking fluids everywhere….

    In a good way, of course.

    I was going to ask if there was a good way to leak fluids but then I thought about it and the answer kind of smacked me in the face. I blame the fact that I’ve worked most of the day ad it’s now 3 AM.

  8. February 20, 2009 at 12:31 AM

    WOAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    poor Eva…. that had to be mortifying!

    She was more frustrated than anything. Plus the fact that I was cracking jokes at her expense had her distracted from being embarrassed.

  9. February 21, 2009 at 12:38 PM

    haha. now that is a good TMI story. at your guys had some humor about it!

  10. February 22, 2009 at 7:32 PM

    Oh no.
    I thought us women’s bodies were nicer to us than that.
    You know, giving us some notice or something….

  11. splendidmishap
    March 2, 2009 at 6:48 PM

    TMI Kendall….TMI. That’s seriously bad if I think it’s TMI….seriously.

  1. April 2, 2009 at 8:49 AM
  2. July 2, 2009 at 8:12 AM

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