Home > Uncategorized > With All That I Am, I Thank You

With All That I Am, I Thank You

Me and Tinkerbell have a shared saying, a motto if you will, that goes like this. “Sometimes the way we see ourselves is not as true as other people see us.”

So when I read something like this from her, I know she means every last word. For those of you too lazy to click links, here’s what she said.

You understood.

Not very many people know the real me. Even fewer know me to a T. I can say that only two people know me 100%. This would be my ex/friend Goose and my mom. Today’s post is going to be centered around Goose.

I have known Goose for about 3 years now. It has been quite an adventure. I met him through my best friend, Cookie. We met playing Apples to Apples in the lounge, but really got to know each other going to see Clerks II. I remember before we even started dating, I got into a car wreck and called him because I was distraught. I woke him up and felt really bad about it, but he comforted me anyway. He was one of very few people to ever see me cry. We eventually started dating, making many people happy. We got to know one another very well. It got to the point where we could tell if the other one was lying. He broke down every one of my defenses no matter how hard I tried to build them up. He taught me that love really existed. He also taught me that sometimes love just isn’t enough. It was a hard lesson to learn.

When we broke up, I was hurt beyond anything and it took me awhile to get over it. I forgave him because I couldn’t help but. We became even closer, if that is possible. I can tell him anything and talk to him about anything because he will tell me the truth. If I ever need someone to pull my head out of my ass, it would be him. We hit a rough patch this summer. It is too hurtful to write about. I just want to bury it and pretend it never happened. If I ever need someone, he is always willing to help. He may tease me endlessly, but I know he loves me. He has helped me so much and I am ever grateful; more grateful than I can put into words. He would tell me, “What are friends for?” Friends are for everything that he is. He will always have a special place in my heart. He has taught me that I am not heartless and I can love and forgive so easily. He is my other half and I would be lost without him. Thank you, Goose, for everything.

-Peace and Love,

All of this coming from a woman who knows me better than anyone on God’s green Earth. I’m touched darlin’, really. I’ve heard the words before but they still make me feel a serious case of the warm of fuzzies.

Few things though:

Teasing you endlessly. You say this like it’s not 100% reciprocated. I can’t even talk to you about muffins without you cackling. Hell, you routinely call me a bastard but I know that from you it means “I love you.”

People being very happy when we started dating. For those reading at home, “very happy” translating to one of our friends not speaking to us for over a week until we were officially dating. No, I am not kidding.

Being able to tell when the other is lying. We know each other well enough that if my voice changes even slightly and even when it doesn’t she can tell. This is fully mutual. To this day, I can call her out on anything. This fact never fails to frustrate her.

Dear Tink,

We have tried to come up with a label for each other. Calling you my ex never felt right. You are more than just a friend. Sister  leads to some very squicky implications. And best friends never seemed to cut it. You are, and quite possible always will be, my other half. You taught me that I did deserve to be loved, that being raped was not my fault, that I actually am a kind and decent person. I’m only who I am now because of you. And I thank you for that every single day.



P. S. Don’t think I didn’t notice you stealing my saying in your post Brat. : )

Categories: Uncategorized
  1. Tinkerbell
    March 2, 2009 at 9:55 PM

    I will steal another, “Whatever works.”

    Well considering I have stolen sayings from you, like the motto, I suppose it can be forgiven I guess. What can I say, I like turning your words against you to prove my points.

  2. March 3, 2009 at 2:44 PM

    My heart is warm and fuzzy. I love knowing there’s schmoop out there other than my own 🙂

    I love that word a little more every time I hear you use it.

  3. March 4, 2009 at 7:43 AM

    You must be a very good friend.

    She’s still too important to me not to be a good friend. Although she was right when she said I would just try and play it off by saying “what are friends for?” Was a bit misty-eyed when I read what she wrote about me.

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