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Shocked Silence

I’ve worked in this restaurant ever since I first came to Chapel Hill. In ten months, I have never had any problems with my coworkers. But of course, nothing gold can stay.

So while eating lunch with a few people I worked with, we got on the topic of relationships. Dolly mentioned that Daybreak was an absolutely adorable child. My other coworker, whom I shall call The Gorgon, asked who Daybreak was.

Dolly: “She’s his girlfriend’s daughter.”

Gorgon(to me): “But isn’t your girlfriend white?”

Me: “Yes, why?”

Gorgon: “No offense but that’s disgusting.”

Me and Dolly both freeze. I look up at The Gorgon and ask her to please repeat what she said because I didn’t believe what I thought she said.

Gorgon: “I said that’s disgusting. I’m not trying to be mean, just saying there are plenty of your own people with little boys and girls who could use a good role model like you and you waste yourself on her.”

I don’t remember getting up from the table. I don’t remember walking back to work. I barely remember The Diva pulling me outside when saw my hand bleeding after I had dug into the skin while gripping my keys. She got me some bandages while interrogating me on what happened.

I told her.

The Diva couldn’t believe it herself.

I long ago learned not to let anger get the best of me. My preteen days made that a necessity. I made it through the rest of the workday. Dolly walked with me home as I was still out of it. I opened my apartment door and as soon as she closed the door, I walked to the toilet and threw up everything I had eaten that day.

First time she had ever seen me cry.

First time she had ever heard me use the word “bitch” to refer to someone.

Mindy has commented that for the longest time, she was unsure whether Daybreak was biologically my child or not. She could not tell. But apparently, my care for Daybreak is wasted.

Stupid fuckers.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. March 12, 2009 at 10:37 AM

    wow….. i am speechless.

  2. March 12, 2009 at 11:00 AM

    Not wasted… just wasted on that idiot. The world is full of ignorant, horrid people who just don’t understand that love is love, no matter the package it comes in. Feel sorry for her… what a sad, dark place she must live. And then go back to loving who you love.

  3. March 12, 2009 at 11:49 AM

    That’s absolutely appalling. That kid is lucky to have you care for her and it sounds like you’re lucky to have her too. It works in so many ways. Blah to the Gorgon’s of this world, what planet do they live on?!

  4. March 12, 2009 at 12:10 PM

    Darling, you know it’s not wasted at all. Some people are just terribly closed minded. And it’s unfortunate that in our society, in friggin’ 2009, that has to be the case, but it’s the way they’ve been brought up and the way their parents were, and for some, it just may never change.

    One of my college roommates – a white girl brought up in a Jewish household – became engaged to her boyfriend – a black man, not Jewish – while we lived together. And while you would think the religious differences might be what her parents hinged on, it wasn’t. They were caught up on his race and even temporarily disowned her because she refused to break up with him. When they were just dating, her parents figured it to be a “phase.” But when they got engaged – a proposal my roommates and I helped with – it was too much and they said she was no longer welcome at home and would receive no monetary aid toward college ’til she left the relationship.

    More than two years later, they are still together – albeit not yet married – and her parents had no choice but to learn to adjust or lose their daughter forever.

    Lots of people deal with this bullshit and even I know my parents aren’t exactly open-minded when it comes to race issues (I wish they were, I try and I try, but it ceases to work sometimes). It’s just something that some of us need to learn from instead of following the same path. And unfortunately, for The Gorgon, that’s something she’ll inevitably learn the hard way with a fist to the face.

    Sorry for the novel, but had a lot to say! ::Hugs::

  5. March 12, 2009 at 12:10 PM

    P.S. I was eating lunch man. Did you have to discuss puke!?

  6. March 12, 2009 at 1:53 PM

    People can be completely unbelievable. Clearly The Gorgon is a bit oblivious to the potential for people to SEE PAST RACE, for impressions to be made that go beyond the color of ones skin. While I want to say, “I cannot believe this,” it’s unfortunate at how prevalent this close-mindedness is. As Mindy said above, we would like to think that, by this time, people have been able to move beyond such ignorance. But, just because we voted Obama into office, it doesn’t mean there aren’t still Bush-supporters all over this country.

    As someone who grew up on the coast, I am consistently baffled and caught off guard by the way people, outside of my immediate social bubble, think. I like to consider California to be liberal and open-minded, but obviously that isn’t necessarily the case either (Prop 8– I’m looking at you).

    I got my bachelor’s from a California school. Now that I’m attending a program in New Mexico, I am confronted with the reality of this country, of my peers. They don’t all think the way I do, and it still shocks me to this day. Granted, I’ve never encountered a situation quite like this one. But, as someone who was raised Jewish, my ears certainly perk up when I hear an antisemitic joke or remark. How can people still think that way? It’s saddening and leaves me feeling a bit hopeless.

    But then there are people like you. Embrace it, and show Daybreak what it is like to be open-minded versus ignorant.

  7. March 12, 2009 at 3:26 PM

    It says a lot about a person when they can’t keep their big fat mouths shut. I mean, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, no matter whether you agree with it or not; but discretion is key. When you use discretion, it shows that you have respect for other people and their feelings, morals, beliefs, etc. This woman clearly lacks that, and that is concerning.
    Anyway, the key to dealing with people like her is to take everything they say with a grain of salt, because their opinion ultimately should not, nay, does not impact your life.
    Keep doin’ what you’re doin’ 🙂

  8. March 12, 2009 at 3:36 PM

    That is a horribly cruel thing to say and so untrue!

  9. spanglishmama
    March 12, 2009 at 11:17 PM

    OMG! Some are sooo stupid.

  10. spanglishmama
    March 12, 2009 at 11:18 PM
  11. March 13, 2009 at 9:51 PM

    That sucks so much but unfortunately there are more than a few people who have not quite enough brain cells to fill up the empty space in their heads.

    Husband is from Iran and our kids are not the blond-haired sunburn prone type like me, instead they look just like their father. Just last week a kid told Thing 2 to put his turban back on and go home. Comments like that do not happen every day or even every week but there have been enough of them that I can’t count them all on my fingers and toes.

    Daybreak knows you love her and the relationship you have with her is precious and valuable to you both. Hold that close to you and count to 10 when you encounter the inevitable morons that walk the earth.

    And if she says anything else spit in her food.

  12. March 15, 2009 at 6:20 PM

    I kept waiting for the punch line… and then I realized you were dead. Freaking. Serious.

    HOW can there still be people like this?!? HOW?!? At the very least, how on EARTH can they feel like there is nothing wrong with voicing this disgusting, positively VILE opinion?

    I think what offends me the most is that it was preceded by “No offense”… as if it was no big deal. Just passing conversation. And not judgment on someone’s entire LIFE.

    GAH.

  13. March 15, 2009 at 10:42 PM

    Wow. Just wow. The simple fact that anyone thinks in such archaic terms, let alone thinks it is acceptable to express them– just insane.

    I would honestly think of filing a human right’s report against her. I know it is easy for me to say from over here, of course– but that shit is straight up hatred, and not acceptable in any form.

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