Home > Uncategorized > TMI Thursday: Of Wardrobe Malfunctions and Stalking

TMI Thursday: Of Wardrobe Malfunctions and Stalking

This week’s shockfest isn’t quite normal TMI-Thursday fare. It’s more a story of when an embarrassing moment goes quite wrong. Hopefully the hostess won’t mind too much.

Our story begins during my senior year of high school, on the day of the homecoming parade actually. I had only just gotten to class from physical therapy when one of my friends told me we had to head down to the gym to hang our (chess club) banner. So I walk with her across the school and merely hold the ladder as the banner is attached to the rafters.

After the parade was over, we were all sitting in the science room our meetings where our meetings were held with me sitting against the wall trying to massage the knots out of my rapidly-tightening knee. I had all ready had a therapy session and walking all over the school had not helped matters. I was tired, in pain, and ready to just go home and sleep. This same exhaustion was what made me grab the first pair of jeans and t-shirt I could find to change into before leaving home. This was my first mistake.

So I’m talking to The Spawn and The Gomez when I notice this absurdly tall freshman (ATF) staring at me. At the moment, I figure it is because I am a 17 year-old who uses a cane and decide to ignore it. That, dear friends, was mistake number two.

As I’m walking towards the cafeteria, a friend of mine comes up and starts chatting to me. I’m nodding along with her, half paying attention when she asks me what I think of the ATF. I tell her that my only real conversation with him was when I broke up a near fight between him and The Gomez so I knew nothing about the kid. She says OK and disappears into the band room. By the time, I have my food and am sitting down with friends I’ve forgotten this encounter. Mistake number three.

So one night the next week, I’ve gotten home from work and am doing homework on my computer when I hear the familiar ding of an incoming IM. I don’t recognize the name but decide to accept it anyway. It’s the ATF who after some small, sporadic messages proceeds to tell me that I had should check the pants I wore the day. Feeling confused, with a tingling sense of foreboding, I look at the pants I had worn that day and at first, don’t see anything unusual. They’re very baggy so I could wear my knee brace comfortably, the cuffs of the legs are worn, but as I’m feeling around I figure out what he’s talking about.

Right in the crotch of my pants is a hole, not large enough to be seen from the front or back but large enough that as I was sitting with my legs pulled up to my chest that morning, I probably flashed the kid with my commando self.

As I have no sense of bodily modesty, I’m only slightly embarrassed and go on to apologize for accidentally flashing my bits at him. He says it was OK and signs off.

Thinking the incident fully done with, I go on with my life.

But then I start to notice something. That every single time I pass him in the halls he wants to have a long conversation. And after about a month of this, he starts trying to hug me. At the time, I did NOT like to be touched by anyone I didn’t trust completely so I would always walk away at those points.

Then one night when I’m studying for a Spanish test, my phone rings. And as my room phone had no access to caller ID, I pick up without going downstairs to check. It’s him. I tell him quickly that I am too busy to talk and hang up, wondering how in the hell he knew my home phone number. It’s not like we were listed in the phone book and even if we were, my last name was different than my parents’.

From there it was tracking me down in the halls, wanting to eat lunch with me, asking to hang out with me on weekends.

I may be slightly dense people, but I’m not blind to the writing on the wall.

A few days of sleuthing reveal that it was my friend from earlier who asked me about him that had given this guy I barely knew from Adam my number. Something I let her know was unappreciated. Her explanation? That she wanted me to find someone and as she had never seen me date girls, she figured I must like guys instead. Most guys would be kind of pissed at this point, me? I was just exasperated.

Now those of you who’ve come to know me fairly well know that I’m a pretty kind person. That trait kicked in when I sought out ATF and explained what I had told my erstwhile but overly meddlesome friend. I thought the matter was finally closed.

Murphy, the smug bastard that he is, must have looked down at that moment and decided to remind me of his law in typical fashion.

It was a Friday and the day before my 18th birthday and I was ready to go to hang out with my friends that night. So I’m walking out to my car and as I get closer to my parking spot I see something under my car. There, just behind my front tire, is a wrapped box. I open it, only to find this pink and blue striped monstrosity. I check for a card and find it is from the ATF.

I handed the gift off to a friend and let her turn in back in for $20 before trying to forget about it.

Valentine’s Day, I get a flower and a card taped to my locker.

St. Paddy’s Day, there is a small stuffed leprechaun on my desk when I get to AP Calc.

Fast forward to a few days prior to graduation when I get home and find him waiting on my front porch.

And that, dear friends, is the story of how one wardrobe malfunction turned into my very own suspense film.

  1. March 26, 2009 at 9:20 AM

    Hey I would have done the same thing if I saw some guy flash me like that too. Well maybe not give hime a stuffed leprechan.

    All I can say is thank God I’m an optimist. I looked at it as my penis was apparently great enough for a guy to crush-stalk me for the better part of a year. The saying about once you go black comes to mind.

  2. March 26, 2009 at 9:42 AM

    Okay, Mr Cliff Hanger… you have GOT to post the ending!

    This is so out of an episode of Dawson’s, btw.

    But that would kill all the glorious suspense you’re feeling and why should I spoil my fun like that?

    Even though I was in high school, I wasn’t quite angsty enough to qualify for the Creek.

  3. March 26, 2009 at 1:30 PM

    That is the most gloriously funny story I have ever read! For serious, I don’t know how anyone could top that.

  4. March 26, 2009 at 2:23 PM

    Hopefully the dude didn’t get pissy and boil your bunny or something! 🙂 Honestly though, yikes!

  5. f.B
    March 26, 2009 at 3:17 PM

    apparently he thought you had put your goods out there on purpose and he wanted to make an offer.

  6. March 26, 2009 at 8:30 PM

    haha well, at least he did not dare touching you, good post.

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