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TMI Thursday: Holy Shit


Come and join in the debauchery and hilarity of TMI Thursdays. You know you want to.

So this past Sunday was, as you all know,  Easter Zombie Jesus Day which was also the day of my Confirmation. Which means that I had about 11 people coming over for Easter supper that afternoon.

Now normally I hang around after Mass and eat breakfast/lunch with the other college-age kids in Raleigh but I had other plans so I needed to book it back to the Hill.

I am sitting in the pew, talking to one of my friends from Cary, when I feel and hear the rumble. Worse still, she heard the rumble. At this point, I excuse myself and leave the sanctuary to go to the bathroom.

Here’s the problem though kids. Half of our church is being renovated right now which means two of the four restrooms in the building are out of service.

At this point Murphy kicks in to remind me of just who’s boss. Both bathrooms are occupied and neither has less than five people in line waiting for their turns.

Not wanting to find myself literally in deep doodoo.

So I hotfoot it out of the church, knowing I have maybe half a minute tops before I had a rather embarrassing incident on my hands and in my pants.

My best alternative? A porta-john around the corner.

With hindsight, I know it was a little too good to be true. It was unoccupied. Hell, the thing was even fully stocked with toilet paper. False sense of security, much?

There I am, cleaning up after relieving myself when I feel the intense need to pee. This should have been a no-brainer as I was all ready hovering over a waiting toilet. Well folks, things with me are never quite that simple.

As I’m aiming, my foot slips on something wet and I start to fall sideways. Reflex kicks in at this point and I put my arm out to stop myself from crashing head first against the wall.

Given the reality, I now kind of wish I had.

My arm was now bicep deep in shit and other fluids that I couldn’t begin to categorize. But wait, it gets better still. Attempts to simply pull my arm out so I can change into a t-shirt proved futile. My hand was, again literally, plastered to the bottom of the john by a large piece of shit.

Eventually one of the foremen working on the church heard my struggle and asked what was wrong.

The look of shock on his face upon opening that door almost made the experience worth it.


  1. April 16, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    HOLY SHIT. Grosssssssss.

    I don’t think I like TMI Thursdays very much.

    They’re strangely addictive. If you’ve grossed someone out or made them laugh then you’ve done well. If you can stun them speechless, that’s art.

    I’ve known what the title was going to be since Sunday.

  2. April 16, 2009 at 2:32 PM

    Yeah. I’m with amindinmotown… that made me throw up a little in my mouth.

    Perhaps I should put some more warning at the front that people read me on Thursdays at their own risk.

    Is it bad that I’m proud I made you vomit a bit?

  3. April 16, 2009 at 2:45 PM


    -smile- I now see why Lilu and Lbluca talk about poop so much. The reactions you get are wonderful.

  4. April 16, 2009 at 2:56 PM

    The germaphobe side of me is having an aneurysm, but another side of me is laughing hysterically… it’s an odd feeling :S

    Anyway, oh man does that SUCK!

  5. April 16, 2009 at 4:14 PM

    Strong work. Reactions like that are what TMI Thursday is all about.

  6. April 17, 2009 at 9:52 AM

    The fated “RUMBLE.” I know it well.

    I will henceforth forever picture you “bicep deep in shit.”

  7. April 18, 2009 at 12:33 AM

    Well, I think I picked a good first post to read. How ’bout you?

    Ack! My sense of smell is a good one, and I have a weak stomach. I can’t hold my breath long enough to pee in a port-a-potty(btw-portajohn sounds better) let alone manage to fall into one.

    Bless you.

  1. July 2, 2009 at 8:14 AM
  2. August 13, 2009 at 3:38 PM

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