Home > Uncategorized > When I Said “It’s Not You, It’s Me”? Yeah, I Lied.

When I Said “It’s Not You, It’s Me”? Yeah, I Lied.

Dear Fbook,

It seems like so long ago that I bowed into peer pressure and joined you. We were awkward at first but then I started sending and receiving friend requests. I flirted through you. I kept track of news from my hometown. You connected me to the world outside of Gainesville.

By the time I was done with my first semester of college, I was a full member of your cult. I checked you about as much as a new mother checks her infant to be sure it is OK. For the longest time, you held my entire social calendar in your cleavage. These were the days where I was always up for a little motorboating.

But then I came back to NC and with that move, didn’t use you nearly as often. Our meetings went from multiple times daily to once a day to weekly then to monthly. The honeymoon phase of our relationship was over.

Quite honestly, there’s only so many times you can hear the “I have a headache” excuse before accepting the fact that the jig is up. So I pushed you to the side as an occasional fling but nothing more.

I still fooled around with you from time to time and for that I’m kind of sorry. Not emotionally involved enough for full-blown guilt. And while I’m being completely honest, I might as well go for the whole shabang. You see, there’s kind of another woman.

And by kind of I mean she doesn’t try to infect me with “applications”. Honey, if you’re going to give me diseases at least have the balls to call them Syph, Gono, and/or The Clap and be done with it. Please and thank you.

Nor does she have the people who I couldn’t stand back in high school friending me just to increase their friends list. Kendall don’t play that.

This?

Is pretty much exactly how I feel for you these days. Don’t like it? Tough balls.

I know certain people will be disappointed that I’m no longer part of Zuckerberg’s orgy. But that’s OK. I’m sure they’ll get over it. And maybe, one day, they too may leave you high and dry. Maybe.

When I pressed the button to deactivate my account and saw you showed pictures of my friends in a desperation move to keep me? You only strengthened my resolve to free myself. When you asked was I sure about this, my only thought was “bitch please.”

I haven’t looked back.

Awaiting the day your server crashes,

Kendall

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  1. PQ
    April 20, 2009 at 5:02 PM

    I should write the same breakup letter to Myspace.

  2. April 20, 2009 at 5:04 PM

    I can relate to this. It’s the applications that ended my facebook love affair. I’m at a point now where if someone sends me a Green Patch application, I cut them out of my life. For good. I’m going to miss my grandfather so much, but hopefully he understands.

  3. April 20, 2009 at 5:10 PM

    hey – sometimes we just gotta cut our losses

  4. April 20, 2009 at 5:12 PM

    Facebook, Twitter, my Blog, YouTube, Gmail, Tumblr and Mint are my life support. I don’t know if I could unplug easily.

  5. April 20, 2009 at 5:22 PM

    =(

    You suck.

    I’m addicted to Fbook. I check it about 15x+ a day. It’s unhealthy, really, but I love it. I’ll never let her go!!!!!

  6. April 20, 2009 at 7:10 PM

    They push pictures of your friends in your face when you try to deactivate your account? That’s cold.

  7. April 20, 2009 at 8:53 PM

    that’s what i had to do with myspace. me and facebook are still friends though

  8. April 21, 2009 at 12:24 PM

    I came off facebook just over a year ago. One of the best things I did that year!

  9. April 21, 2009 at 1:26 PM

    I was pressured into using facebook. It was the “everyone is doing it” “you’re being left behind” scene. I was reluctant at first, but now I’m hooked.

    I never thought I’d be one to cave into peer pressure. Sigh.

  10. April 27, 2009 at 8:03 AM

    I know I’m late but man, I have to give you props for your metaphor.

    having gone cold turkey sometime ago and battling with withdrawal shakes, guilt, shame and self recriminations I honestly understand where you’re coming from.

    8 months and still clean

  11. January 26, 2010 at 6:08 AM

    *snort*

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