Home > Uncategorized > At the End of the Tunnel

At the End of the Tunnel

I met Eva yesterday for lunch. It was my own idea.

One which Scarlett reamed me out for. Something along the lines of “me being too nice for my own damn good.”

It was painful.

But never let it be said that I do not have my masochistic tendencies.

I spent two hours with this woman. We talked about why things happened as they did. Why we imploded.

Now that the anger had waned, I could actually listen.

Finally, I told her that I forgave her.

Some unavoidable truths?

I still love her. Growing feelings for V aside, she had been a huge part of my life for over 17 months and I can’t really convince myself to forget all that. We will never be together again but I would like to be able to call her my friend one day.

We are nowhere near being OK.

May never be.

I don’t want to feel bitter. I want to be able to fully move on with my life. I want to be able to concentrate on my teaching internship. I want to be able to talk to V and not feel a panic attack at the thought of possible commitment.

I want to be me.

Baby steps, Kendall. Baby steps.

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Categories: Uncategorized
  1. August 19, 2009 at 10:49 AM

    im glad that you waited… and let yourself get your head straight before you met with her. no matter when you met, it was going to be hard.

    im proud of you and all of your baby steps Kendall. 🙂

    We had met before this by accident, the results were not pretty. At all.

    Thankfully it went much better this time. Thank you dear.

  2. August 19, 2009 at 11:08 AM

    Awwww. This made me a little sad.

    That was a huge step, definitely not a baby one, but I’m sure you’re quite relieved it finally happened. Closure isn’t easy, but maybe you found at least a little.

    ::Hugs:: I know that was tough for you, I’m sure it was. I’m here if you need anything hun.

    Considering so much of my blog has been about my relationship with Eva and by extension Daybreak, that makes sense. Especially since you’ve been following me pretty much from the word “go”.

    I think I found some as I all ready feel better than I did beforehand.

    *returns the hug* I appreciate it. Though I must say that for a Northerner, you do use the word “hun” a lot.

  3. August 19, 2009 at 11:39 AM

    Baby steps are the way to go.

    I kind of took a running start off the board into my first after break-up meeting. Needless to say, I lost my footing and belly-flopped.

    Stay strong. It’ll work out if you keep your focus straight.

    This is a little too big for me to rush in like my normal impulsive self. We’ll see how things go from here.

  4. X
    August 19, 2009 at 2:27 PM

    It’s hard to think that, after being with a person for a significant amount of time, that you might lose them completely from your life. It was very admirable of you to meet with her to talk things out. The truth is comforting, even if you don’t like it; better to know the truth than to be totured by ugly possibilities. It’s always good to get closure before you move on.

    Lotsa hugs

  5. X
    August 19, 2009 at 2:28 PM

    *tortured

  6. August 19, 2009 at 2:29 PM

    The fact you met up with her, says a lot about your character. Strong work sir.

  7. August 20, 2009 at 1:31 PM

    I’m so sorry, Kendall! I had no idea (since I’ve been so MIA). I wish you strength and love in, what must, be a very challenging time.

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