Home > Uncategorized > TMI Thursday: Your Childhood? Ruined FOREVER

TMI Thursday: Your Childhood? Ruined FOREVER

[or “But Mommy, where do Baby Smurfs come from?”]

As our dear Lilu always says: “Join us all in humiliating the crap out of ourselves every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week?” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!”

TMI Thursday

I all ready know I’m going to Hell. My handbasket has long been on layaway at Michael’s and the decorations are on stand-by.  With the things that come out of my mouth, this is simply advance preparation.

But sometimes I am convinced that somewhere inside of me is the unconscious desire to piss all over my box seat in Hell. Things like making zombie jokes about Michael Jackson the day he died, failing to not snigger when Anna Nicole Smith died, and finding the mullet equal parts horrific and utterly fascinating? All sure-fire tickets to burning. Today’s story is worse.

I’m fairly positive most of us saw Hanna-Barbera cartoons when we were kids even if it was just the Flintstones and the Jetsons. Another little “nugget” were the quirky, communist pygmies more commonly referred to as the Smurfs. Here is a quick vid to refresh your memory.

The man in the dress, this real nutjob called Gargamel, basically wants to bake the little suckers into a pie. A pie? Seriously? Anyhoodle, so this guy comes up with all this crazy schemes to catch them with the…not quite sure “help” is the right word but he has this evil cat with a crazy ass laugh. I see this show now and can only wonder what the fuck the creators were smoking to come up with this shit.

Now the show caught a lot of flack for what is now called The Smurfette Principle where a show will feature just one female and she will be a highly stereotyped one. Considering the target audience, I don’t see it mattering all that much. But during a late-night conversation with Scarlett that involved a ridiculous amount of booze, we somehow get on the topic of where baby Smurfs come from.

Scarlett: “If there’s a Papa Smurf, then there has to be a Mama Smurf somewhere?”

Me: “Maybe she died or maybe she couldn’t handle that many kids.”

Scarlett: “Or maybe she never existed. If the cake is a lie then maybe Mama Smurf is too.”

Me: “If the smurf is a lie, then where the hell did that entire village come from?’

Scarlett: “Maybe the smurf fucked a rock. It would explain so much.”

Me: “Maybe Gargamel wasn’t evil. Maybe he was just a stalker with a crush.”

Scarlett: “You’re drunk.”

Me: “That doesn’t mean I’m  wrong though. Maybe he wanted Papa Smurf to himself hence the whole wanting-a-pie which we all know is a metaphor for some lovin’.”

Scarlett: “So what would happen if he succeeded?”

Me: “This.”

I pull out my laptop and show her the screen.

She looks.

She gives me a drunken glare which looks like constipation followed up with a smack to the back of the head.

Scarlett: “I hate you.”

Me: “And I revel in it.”

That picture folks? I’ll just post the link as it is very NSFW.

Have fun. The logical conclusion to the Smurfs.

You’re welcome Internets. You’re welcome.

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  1. October 8, 2009 at 1:37 PM

    Oh dear God. I should not have clicked that link! LOL

    You were warned but glad you enjoyed anyway. : D

  2. October 8, 2009 at 2:12 PM

    Where did they come from? Especially since the only female smurf who could have had babies was created by Gargamel as a trick.

    It’s like the number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, the world may never know.

  3. October 8, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    I’m not even mad. I’m impressed.

    Also? We get to DECORATE our handbaskets?!?! We should totes have a party when we hit 40.

    Cause, let’s face it… we’re probably not making it to 50.

    -bows- Thank you.

    I’m loving this party idea. Pimp My Ride: Hellbound Edition. Love it.

    And with the way we ingest alcohol, 50 probably is a pipe dream.

  4. October 8, 2009 at 4:39 PM

    Hot damn… that’s disturbing.

    Hey… I’ve got a down payment on a condo in the 4th Circle. Wanna be roommates?

    If it’s disturbing then I’ve done my job.

    Knowing myself, I’m probably bound for the 2nd or 5th. But I’ll keep in touch about that one.

  5. October 8, 2009 at 5:06 PM

    Damn you, I can’t look at the picture ’cause I’m at work!

    Are you saying you want me to gross you out? I’d be happy to oblige.

  6. christie
    October 24, 2009 at 11:18 AM

    If you’re going to hell in a handbasket, so am i. I’ll be the one wearing gasoline clothes carrying the flaming basket.

  1. October 8, 2009 at 12:11 PM

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