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When Enough Is Enough

Dear Jesus,

Don’t know if you’ve been listening lately but I have been blowing up your prayer hotline recently. Not sure if my messages got through (certainly hope they did) but decided to drop a line just for my peace of mind.

I spent a good portion of my life thinking you were just one more pretentious man whose name has been used to excuse bloodshed for 2 millenia. In my defense, I was young and unhealthily angry. I know I know, no excuse but what else can I say other than I eventually grew out of it. But my time as a…I guess militant agnostic is as close to accurate as I can get, did leave its mark.

Despite being my wholly unrepentant sinful self (slight sarcasm mode here), I do try and live up to your examples. I do my best to remain humble. I do help anyone who needs it. I do follow The Golden Rule. I try not to judge. I think I hit most of the high points of your own teachings.

However when I hear of churches who collected donations for Question One in Maine asking what they though you would do? I was pissed. Then some followers outdid themselves by proclaiming they would stop caring for the homeless if gay marriage was legalized and this was held up as a good idea instead of hypocrisy. My brain broke. And I have to wonder what you actually would say if you were to walk the Earth again in the 21st century.

I disagree with many of your followers. Nor am I particularly quiet about it.

Forgive me if this really is some kind of grave sin. Not sure where you said not to think for myself, would like to think you had more common sense from that.

Maybe I’m just bitter at being ostracisized from my own church? My faith in fellow Christians? Yeah it kinda died a little when someone I had prayed with for 2 years tells me to my face that I have no business among them if I disagree with your word. Or that they would pray I would change my mind so I would be allowed into Heaven.  “Your word” being that lovely passage in Levictus that is pointed out so often.

I still have faith in you, still talk with you, still try and live my life as best I can. Maybe I just shouldn’t go to church period and fully embraced lapsed Catholicism. Then again I’m stubborn and I know that I will come to hate myself for “copping out”.

What I do know is that when I die, if I get to the Gates and Peter or you tell me that my dissent means I will not be allowed in, I’d have to say you aren’t the person I thought you were and I was disappointed our relationship was under false pretense.

Couldn’t really be that sad as I have all ready promised a friend I would share a condo with her out in the 4th Circle. Whole new spin to the term housewarming, no?


A disappointed Catholic

P. S. I am currently hoping my little heart out that you have a sense of humour because if not, then I am thoroughly screwed.

  1. Ari
    November 20, 2009 at 2:45 PM

    I was raised in the church and was an avid goer until I was 20. That year my best friend, who had also grown up in the church with me, came out of the closet. Our church attempted to “erase” him and I fought back. I was always taught that Jesus said to “love your neighbor as yourself” – not “love your neighbor as yourself UNLESS he’s homosexual, then you can hate him.” For me, gay rights is my “issue” – the one that I’m really passionate about – and I’m straight. Equal rights are equal rights and to me, this “war against gay marriage” is no different than segregation. I say, if gays can’t marry then they can’t use “straight” bathrooms or waterfountains. Let’s go all the way with the discrimination (please not the sarcasism).

    Between the hypocrasy of the church on things like gay rights and abortion – and the fact that I was told I needed to repent for my sins when my ex beat me (that was God telling me to straighten up, right?), I can no longer call myself a Christian. I know tons that are wonderful, good people; but the mindless sheep that make up the majority of the “Christian” population make me wish I had homicidal tendencies.

    So, I’ll see you in hell, buddy! At least we’ll be in good company!!

  2. November 20, 2009 at 3:33 PM

    Hello, old friend…

    I’m with Ari (and you)… gay rights is my issue, even though I’m straight. I don’t do church (at all) or God (in the conventional sense) or Jesus (in the savior sense) but I’m cool with many of the lessons in the Bible. I’m not cool with how the Bible and Jesus and God are used to demean and deny an entire group of people. One of my favorite quotes is Gandhi’s “I like your Christ. I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” Truer words? Never spoken. Like Ari, I know great ones… but I know a lot of asshats who call themselves Christians and then shit on the rest of the world. I’ll pass.

  3. November 20, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    SOAP BOX!!!

    Dude, Jesus TOTALLY has a sense of humor. On top of that, He knows our hearts and minds…better than we do.

    Not to sound all “if it works for you/I’m okay. You’re okay.”, because I don’t think just anything goes, but on this particular subject I believe the bible teaches that we are judged by what we KNOW. That means if we read/hear something, and don’t think it sounds quite right, maybe we think it’s not been translated well, then we don’t KNOW/BELIEVE that.

    I believe as long as we’re doing what we know/believe is right, we’re good. And I believe it’s the Holy Spirit’s job to convict people of whether what they are doing is “right” or not, NOT holier than thou confused “Christians” rallying against their fellow man for every flippin’ difference. *huff*

    I don’t know who they are having a relationship with, but the God I know loves all His children, regardless of where they’re born, eye color, sexual preference, or anything else, and He wants us to love one another.

    The way I figure it, God is our real Father. He teaches us right from wrong, lets us make our choices, and loves us no matter what. Do parents stop loving their children when they do something against the rules/that will hurt them? No. They just want what’s best for them. Consequences are there, and they hope they listen to what they’ve tried to teach them and choose well.

    So…I’m going to continue to try and ignore the morons out there making Christianity and our Savior look bad, and I hope you can do the same.

    Your Short White Twin ^-^

  4. November 23, 2009 at 4:37 PM

    When you go to the gates, I’m pretty sure Jesus will be there to give you a big hug and say “Thank you for being so patient with my people”. He totally has a sense of humor and this exclusion, focusing on being painful forces in people’s lives instead of loving people and being real supports in their lives just doesn’t seem to be anywhere in the bible that I’ve read.

    And dissenting is different from rebelling, dissenting is a positive thing- you’re listening to your heart. Who knows, that might be the holy spirit poking at you, reminding you that this stuff? It’s all a little human & exclusion based. It doesn’t sound very godly to me.

    You are doing the good stuff- and if your church doesn’t speak to you, you can find another. It’s hard to remember because of the social side of things, but we are accessing the same God no matter where or how we worship. ❤

  5. November 24, 2009 at 12:41 PM

    So well said hun. And I hope the same things. The best term I can use for myself is agnostic as well, and that’s only because I can’t identify enough with the Catholicism I grew up with anymore. I’m right there with you, thinking the same things, so if you’re heading to Hell, I’ll see you there. Maybe then I won’t have to drunk dial anymore. =P

  6. Courtney
    November 30, 2009 at 9:57 PM

    “I’d have to say you aren’t the person I thought you were and I was disappointed our relationship was under false pretense.”

    BOLD statement, sir, and yet, I found myself nodding.

    I’m not a Bible quoter because people can twist little verses and take them out of context to mean whatever they please (really) but I do like pulling out this one:

    In a word, there are three things
    that last forever: faith, hope, and love;
    but the greatest of them all is love.

    Nobody is ever going to agree. It’s the sad, awful truth. We have to listen, and feel, and do what we know is right. God gets the hard stuff. He knows we’re trying. That’s what’s important.

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