Home > Uncategorized > What I Know Now: A Letter to Myself (The Sequel)

What I Know Now: A Letter to Myself (The Sequel)

Dear Kendall,

No you’re not going crazy.

Well, no more so than you all ready were.

Which considering the fact that you wrote a similar letter to your younger self not long ago (from your perspective) is not saying all that much to say the least.

As I know we like to end on a positive note, I’ll start off with the low points.

Right now, you’re kinda basking in Eva’s presence and the first thoughts that you could honestly see yourself spending your life with this woman are forming. You think that your short-lived breakup earlier in the month was because she was worried about getting too close. In a way, she was telling you the truth but it’s still going to fuck you up when you find out the full reasoning behind it all.

Despite the fact that your days together are numbered I don’t really regret it. Mood whiplash doesn’t BEGIN to describe the summer of 2009 when it comes to relationships. You’re going to go from depressed to angry to bitter to standoffish. As of December, you two aren’t friends by any means but you can at least be in the same room as her without any real anger on your part. Compared to June, this is an immense improvement.

You know you would say right now that you could never go through with a one night stand? Yeah, you’ll find out later in the year that that’s not so clear cut. Will you regret it? Yes. But let me just go on record as saying that we learn from it and move on.

Story of our life right?

You’re a student teacher at a nearby high school, English of course, and loving it. In your normal absentmindedness, you ocassionally forget that you are, in fact, still a college student. The first semester went well and you even have Skittles’ big sister as one of your students. There is most definitely a family resemblance there. I’ll let you work out for yoruself what that means in August. Cue maniacal laughter here.

You and The Bait are going to get into a fight on Valentine’s Day and he’s going to go AWOL, pretty much ruining any kind of friendship between you, him, and Pippi in the process. You rally behind Pippi and if you two weren’t all ready as close as siblings, then you are now. You and Scarlett are now renting a house together about 20 minutes outside Chapel Hill and living with this woman has been an experience to say the least.

Speaking of Scarlett, when she and Marilyn take you out for your 21st birthday please for the love of all that is sacred DO NOT DRINK THAT THIRD MARGARITA. The results will not be pretty. Whatsoever. I know you still will but at least you’ll have learned to accept your limits.

On the relationship front, well that one has been a bit of a wild ride. As I said, you and Eva are done. That girl you have a one-nighter with? You attempt to start a relationship and it looks like things are going well until August. On a trip to visit her at the beach, you think things are going great. About three days after you head back home, she calls you and says maybe you shouldn’t see each other any more.

That she slips and calls you a nigger kills any resistance you may have had to the idea.

She later apologizes and you find out some of her best friends raised a shitstorm once you were gone. You say it’s OK but there’s no chance of you even being friends after that one.

Apparently, you do have some deal-breakers. That word is one of ’em.

You then go through a phase where you aren’t the biggest fan of women. The fact that the majority of your friends, including your roommate, are female doesn’t really seem to affect you. Some even agree with you that a lot of women are unpleasant. It was kind of hilarious in hindsight.

Then you start going to the high school for orientation and the first teacher workdays and meet The Girl. You become friends and slowly you realize you are attracted to her and that it’s a mutual thing. You start that relationship just before Halloween. Neither of us is in any emotional condition for something serious so we are taking it slow.

In terms of our education, you are going to bust your ass. It pays off though, you are almost guaranteed to graduate cum laude. That GRE you are just starting to worry about now? While the general test isn’t for a few more weeks, you have taken the GRE Lit exam and let’s just say you do exceptionally well. Six more credits until we have those degrees in our hands in May.

In the past year you’ve…

  • made a ton of new friends, both in real life and in the blogging world.
  • gone to Nashville, TN with Pippi to perform. You also meet one of your favourite artists.
  • volunteer at a rape crisis center.
  • competed in a Call of Duty tournament with Scarlett.
  • put your Daddy Issues largely to rest.
  • worked at a camp for creative writing
  • given serious thought to joining the Navy after graduation.
  • traveled to New York to see Marilyn get married. In accordance with our usual luck, you end up being roped into helping cook when the catering company lets them down.

All in all, 2009 has been a pretty kickass year. Considering what’s planned so far, like starting grad school, going to see Wicked, buying a video camera, and perhaps finally meeting some blogger friends in person, 2010 is shaping up to be even better.

So have fun this year. And you will. Because I still remember doing it. Which means you have no choice in the matter. Isn’t time travel nifty?

In closing, remember to balance work with fun. Depends on your friend when you need them. Try not to be so afraid to let people in. Always keep your hope alive, my friend.  I don’t know what 2010 will be like but I have high, apple-pie-in-the-sky hopes. To paraphrase a movie you’ll see this year and love, “thanks for the adventures and now it’s time to start another one.”


Kendall (age 21.92)

P. S. I forgot to mention this earlier which is pretty unforgivable. At one point this year, Shaner takes you all on a trip to ECU’s anatomy labs to dissect cadavers. You hold a heart in your hand. Let me repeat that, you hold a FRICKIN’ HUMAN HEART in your HAND! And it was glorious.

  1. December 30, 2009 at 1:39 PM

    “…and perhaps finally meeting some blogger friends in person…”

    Let’s take that “perhaps” out of there, shall we? 😉

  2. December 30, 2009 at 4:46 PM

    In quietly lurking your blog for the better part of the year, I have to say that I really enjoyed this post — even if it wasn’t necessarily a post written for an external audience. Sounds like 2009 was more than interesting for you. Here’s to an even better 2010 for you.

  3. December 30, 2009 at 9:26 PM

    That’s a cool way to end the year, and boy did you have a busy one. Cheers.

  4. January 2, 2010 at 8:21 PM

    A girl you dated called you the n-word? What the heck?

    I’m sorry that was the thing that jumped out at me…esp since you had so many other, more pleasant things going on.

    Such as traveling! Any more thoughts about Vegas? Come! 2010 is your year!

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