Home > Uncategorized > On Packing Up The Baggage, Letting It Go, and Moving On

On Packing Up The Baggage, Letting It Go, and Moving On

It struck me as if a sucker punch from Zeus himself.

Powerful, unexpected, and unavoidable.

I denied it at first, of course.

Sadly, I’m too pragmatic for self-delusion to last long.

I am not sure when it happened. Somewhere between that first meeting in July and her sleeping off the effects of a cold in my bed. Regardless of the when, the truth is undeniable.

I am falling in love with this woman.

Oddly enough, panic has yet to set in.

Maybe it means I’m growing up.

Yeah, I think that’s kind of hilarious too.

After the pounding my heart took last summer, a smart man would have avoided this. A smart man would have known exactly where blurring the line between good friends and flirtation would lead. A smart man would have learned all ready not to wear his heart on his sleeve.

I suppose this is a case where dumb is good.

For all my issues, I am a fairly straightforward person.

So as I helped her after she fell on the ice for the umpteenth time, trying to balance on her skates, I smiled. This woman, who had no idea how to ice skate, invited me out for no other reason than to cheer me up after a horrible day.

And it was here I realized I am falling in love.

Not ready to say it aloud but I can admit the feeling is there.

Growing with every conversation.

As my walls are broken apart bit by bit, I am OK.

No panic.

No fear.

No doubt.

I am just…calm.

And that is something I am not used to. Have to admit though that it’s a welcome change.

Eventually I will tell her. When I am ready to say the words. When she seems ready to hear them.

Until then I’m not going to stress it.

I’m finally me again.

About fucking time.

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  1. January 4, 2010 at 3:17 PM

    Okay so granted, I know absolutely zilch here on this whole scenario BUT. It kind of touched home anyway. Sean was deadset against falling for anyone when I met him. And I was pretty determined he would love me, he just needed a little persistance on the matter (um.. or blatant signs? I think I made a, “I’D DATE ME” shirt as a hint.. no joke.. I’m obnoxious).

    I think… honestly… finding love when you’re almost set against the idea is almost the best approach. Because then you mean it. You really mean it if you’ve clawed your way against it and it still stuck! 😉

  2. Tinkerbell
    January 4, 2010 at 3:59 PM

    🙂

  3. January 4, 2010 at 7:45 PM

    1 – im soooooo glad you are happy and feeling like “you” again.

    2 – she is one lucky, LUCKY girl. you are amazing and will treat her like gold, i hope she does the same.

    and 3 – LL Cool J had a great quote on twitter today (i know… im quoting LL… who’da thunk it!) – “Make peace with the past so it wont spoil the present”. Its very fitting to how you are letting yourself be open to love again. good for you 🙂

  4. January 4, 2010 at 10:38 PM

    this post was really refreshing!

    good luck with everything : )

  5. January 5, 2010 at 12:23 AM

    That’s wonderful. Any gal whose guy is that excited about her is lucky for sure.

  6. January 6, 2010 at 1:17 PM

    ^_^ Love really is the greatest. Faith and hope come from within it.

  7. January 7, 2010 at 4:50 AM

    Nice. New beginnings are the best…she is obviously a very lucky girl and I wish you both nothing but the best!!!

  8. January 11, 2010 at 8:32 AM

    (I just found you via Brandy (is magic). If we never had our hearts broken we’d never get to have the “falling in love” feeling again. In a bitter sweet way it is very much worth it!! x

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