Home > Uncategorized > The One Where He Answers Your Questions.

The One Where He Answers Your Questions.

Thanks everyone who checked up on me yesterday, I’m still unsure how exactly I feel about being single again so no comment there just yet.

Now on with the show.

First, my short white twin asks: “if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

Well Heather, my answer would have to be the platypus. Yes, that thing. I would love to have the privilege to feel like I was God’s joke on the world. Seriously, when explorers found it that they thought someone was having them on. That it has the bill of a duck, the tail of a beaver, and the feet of otter is crazy enough. Those feet are tipped with poisonous barbs. Strange but not more much than everything else. Oh and did I mention it’s one of only 5 mammals that lay eggs? Yes, I said it lays eggs. Being the Frankenstein’s Monster equivalent of the animal kingdom would be great. Why? Because I’m an asshole like that.

Now, LCT asks: “What one thing do you want to achieve in life?

Well no easy questions here ma’am. Sigh. I have a lot of life goals like convincing Kathy Griffin that I could totally be her intern and being there should the Atlanta Braves ever win the World Series. But I guess the top one would have to be that when I die I know that, despite my fears as a teenager, I have done good with my life.

Mindy asks: “Can 22 be the age where you FINALLY meet me?

As it seems the North Carolina bloggers are a skittish bunch when it comes to meet-ups, I may just have to drive out west to see you myself. If I do, I promise to bring food.

Jean asks: “What is something that makes you laugh?

Well as I am one of the most easily amused people ever, it is a really hard thing to pin down. TWSS. As I grew up watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, I grew to love watching and riffing on movies that were so bad, I loved them. Con Air? Armageddon? Street Fighter? 2012? The hammy acting, special effects failures, and physics research failures were hilarious to me. Please note that I do not believe anything from the syph outbreak known as Uwe Boll actually exists. There is such a thing as crossing the line.

Ari asks: “what song makes you dance-like-no-one’s-looking every time you hear it?

Like an uncontrollable urge? Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal. That is the only song I will full-out break dance to when in public. The fact that I’m actually a good dancer lessens any embarrassment significantly.

Akirah asks: “what is your favorite alcoholic beverage?

Three words. Hot. Buttered. Rum.

Four more words. Orgasm. In. My. Mouth.


And lastly, Mich asks: “If you won the lottery tomorrow, what is the first SPLURGE item you would buy?

Ooh I like money. If you just want the first then I would have to go with…


Any other questions for me? Go here and send ’em in.

  1. February 2, 2010 at 1:00 PM

    Single again? From the way you talked about her, I didn’t see that coming. That sucks. I’m sorry.

  2. February 2, 2010 at 1:08 PM

    Fought the good fight n all. Good answer 🙂

  3. February 2, 2010 at 1:23 PM

    How did I know you’d be something from Down Under? 😛 LOVE Mystery Science Theater, and “Smooth Criminal” is my favorite MJ song. Twin, I say.

  4. Ari
    February 2, 2010 at 2:49 PM

    Platypuses don’t get enough press! They’re pretty cool little creatures.

    I love “Smooth Criminal” but my absolute favorite is “Billy Jean” (though “Thriller” is a close second).

    I’d love to see you dance . . . maybe next time I’m in NC . . .

  5. February 2, 2010 at 3:52 PM

    I’ll meet you halfway!

    And “Smooth Criminal” is a fabulous song choice.

  6. February 2, 2010 at 3:56 PM

    I freaking love Mystery Science theater.And I pretty much memorized all the choreography to smooth criminal. Loves it!!

  7. February 9, 2010 at 11:24 AM

    Okay, one thing…

    Joel or Mike??

    Hint: If you say Mike you’re dead to me.

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