A Return?

September 20, 2010 7 comments

Hello Internet, I’ve missed you so.

How’s your mother? Oh really? You know there’s a cure for that nowadays?

Well that’s just uncalled for.

When I hung up my blog hat back in June, I thought that would be it. Sure I’d have Twitter and Gmail and I could text those of you whose numbers I have but…

It wasn’t the same.

I couldn’t give my impressions the first day of grad school.

I couldn’t babble on about how much I love this city.

I couldn’t go in depth about the bundle of nerves I became when I found myself looking at engagement rings on a whim.

After nearly 2 years of writing here, I had grown used to sharing my life with all of you. With subjecting you to my rambling, comma-abusing, nerdy self.

The worse bit?

Not knowing what was going on with you all. I let myself slip away from the Tubes. I missed LiLu when she was actually in this city. I only found out Jeney was getting married by randomly checking Twitter. I have no idea what’s going on in 20SB and that’s a weird feeling.

I miss blogging.

So like Michael Jordan before me, I’m back. Hopefully without the disaster that followed. (Space Jam anyone?)

Now just as I told the story of my Chapel Hill days, what follows are my various misadventures here in The Big Applesauce. The drunken people I run into on the train, the stories I hear from customers at work, the batshit things my students get up to, and those little moments where I see or hear something that makes me all sappy.

Oh and the new layout I’m playing with? Well…

It’s bold, in-your-face, and a bit larger than life.

In short, it’s me in template-form.

Awesome.

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Not So Much A “Goodbye” As A “See You Soon.”

June 24, 2010 8 comments

It’s coming.

Some of you like Mindy, Christie, and Mich have been around since my early days and others came around as I started coming out of my shell on 20SB and Twitter.

For those who wondered about my long internet siesta, well, yeah my line about being swamped by real life is very much true. The underlying reason?

I’m tired y’all.

While yes I did start the Confessions back in ’08 as a sort of online diary, I don’t have the narcissism or motivation to write about the trivialities of my day for much longer. Example, I have a post discussing my real first impressions of New York City from my neighbourhood to the people in my building to my job to the food nearby. Dragging would be a definite understatement here. If I don’t find it interesting, then I see no reason why any of you should.

My life just isn’t that interesting.

Is there drama? Sure, I’m a 22 year-old living with his girlfriend in a New York apartment while juggling grad school and work. Bombs everywhere but without some blogging niche, my posts are usually just random musings sprinkling liberally with pop culture references and comma abuse or the occasional serious emotional post like issues stemming from rape or body image or racism.

Don’t get me wrong though. I still love to write but blogging lost a bit of its appeal last summer after so long away from it and I don’t think it’s coming back.

And yet writing my New Moon review was a blast even with such a horrible movie and ever since then I’ve been wanting to do more of them. Were it not for the fact that most of my free time was spent with friends or dealing with  my whoring around, I would have.

Here was something that (to my knowledge) no one was really doing in the 20SB crowd. Sure some people do book reviews but movies were pretty much an untapped resource of comedy gold. Here was a way for me to forge my own way through the blogosphere instead of just another face in the personal blogger crowd.

Fact of the matter is that, frankly, I’m not great at telling stories about my personal life. After a long conversation with Scarlett, I did start to edit what I wrote about people here as I did have a cousin find this and it’s just easier if relatives have no ammunition against me. That and the fact that my humour is mostly snark, in-jokes, over-the-top expressions/gesturing and semi-obscure pop culture references makes it rather difficult to make these events funny.

So I think it’s time to retire this blog. The Kendall who started was unsure of himself and at times a bit needy and thankfully I’ve grown past that person. I’ll still use GMail, Twitter, and the 20SB forums. I’ll still be reading and commenting on your blogs. Just need to cut my ties here and see what happens without this dying weight.

This site will remain online until I can have my new idea up and running so don’t expect anything before December. My green screen arrives Monday and I’ll buy the video editing software I need within the next month. Expect something epic.

Thanks to all of who you’ve been part of the ride thus far and I’ll hope you’ll come back to continue. You’re all fantastic.

This song is ending. But the story never ends.

Just like that will never leave.

So long kids and thanks for the fish.

And On The Playground Is Where I Spent Most of My Days

June 21, 2010 2 comments

As most of you know today is the first day of summer here in our little half of the world. Now I could do some sappy post about the things I love about this time of year.

But I think this says everything I need.

From the men whom I believe need no introduction, ladies and gents, I give you Summertime.

*Also, if you hadn’t all ready my favourite masshole Lilu has some rather great news to share but needs our help (read: we need to pimp her on Twitter which she tells you how to do. Now what are you waiting for?

I Know Why She Sings: Musings On Porn And Arousal

June 17, 2010 1 comment

Let’s talk sex for a minute.

More specifically, let’s talk porn.

Porn is strange.

While some of it is utterly ridiculous (porn parodies) and some of it is utterly disgusting (rape fantasy and the vast majority of hentai spring immediately to mind), the majority of it is just…OK. Not great, not horrible, just OK. It’s there. The women are usually gorgeous in the surgical knife kind of way and it is often good for a few laughs and new ideas.

Attraction?

Well yeah.

Stimulation?

Not really.

100% of the time, my own imagination will make me hornier than whatever scene I happen to be watching. For example, back in high school (10th grade I think) a bunch of my football teammates were huddled around a laptop to watch some porn. All I really remember was that it involved cheerleaders but I digress. I hung about for a bit and spent the entire time wondering what the big fucking deal was.

I grew up around female nudity so a few pair of bare breasts are not going to affect me, especially not on a screen. Pictures, even moving ones, do nothing for me and haven’t since puberty hit me full-on. Remind me to tell you all the story of watching Titanic for the first time.

Doesn’t help that I was largely asexual until I was 17. Aren’t the after effects of sexual abuse and repressed trauma wonderful? Actually, come to think of it I am still not a very demonstrative person in public. No wonder there were so many rumours about me being in the closet. I may joke about switch-hitting for Alexander Skarsgård and Adam Lambert but I can’t wrap my mind around kissing a guy much less having sex with one.

Sorry, I sometimes go off on a tangent.

As if you hadn’t noticed after nearly 2 years.

But I have noticed one thing in particular, in that I am very much auditorily stimulated. Pretty ambivalent on the question of “are you a legs/ass/boob man?” but damn if a throaty voice does not make me all hot and bothered. Add in an accent and you pretty much have a situation requiring me to say, “I’ll be in my bunk.”

So being the curious person I am, I decided to experiment a bit. I browsed the internet for some free porn that would not gangbang my Mac with viruses and then turned the screen away from me.

The results were intriguing to say the least. I found that without being able to see anything, I picked up every single moan, gasp, and sigh which my very overactive imagination used to fill in the blanks. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself immensely.

When the euphoria wore off a bit I was able to look at it somewhat rationally and could see how the experience easily fit with my normal sexual behaviour. I do admit to enjoying verbal foreplay along with listening to the various sounds my partner makes throughout as it enhances the experience.

Whether this is due to male ego or reciprocal pleasure as I know she is pleased or even some combination of the two remains to be seen. Taking my personality into play, my money is resting solely on the theory of reciprocal pleasure.

My own kinks aside, I can safely say I will enjoy further testing on the matter with the girlfriend should she be willing.

Betting on a resounding “yes” there but never hurts to ask.

So for those who don’t mind, what physical traits do you find attractive in others? A certain hair colour? Height preference? A particular region’s accent? Why or is it just something you can’t explain?

The First Day

June 14, 2010 4 comments

So this morning I took a walk around my new neighbourhood and within a few minutes, found myself standing on the edge of Central Park. Let me reiterate.

I walked a few streets over.

And Central Park was sprawled out before me.

We’ve spent the rest of the morning stocking our fridge, freezer, and cabinets and then spent a few hours just exploring. Museums, theaters, street performers, and quite possibly one of the best hot dogs I’ve ever had in my life.

I love New York.

The city, not that crazy bitch who tried to date Flavor Flav.

Categories: Uncategorized

Logic Bomb

March 22, 2010 7 comments

It finally happened, folks.

Politics (or the stupidity it seems to attract from all sides) has officially caused me to lose. my. shit.

There is an individual I have known for a rather long time here in Chapel Hill.

Today I was called a Nazi.

When I asked how health care was not covered under the “General Welfare” clause, I was informed that if health is nationalized then it’s one more step towards a Communist state and from there Nazi Germany and burning Jews in ovens.

So National Health Care Reform = Slippery Slope = Communism=

Nein! Nein! Nein! Nein!

Godwin’s Law* is a powerful thing indeed.

So let’s forget the fact that I am not a socialist. That I am not a nationalist. That I do not blame specific groups for the troubles of my country. That I do not see the need to “dispose” of political dissidents.

Or the little tidbit that I would have had to go into hiding if I wanted to avoid either the camps or a bullet.

To the people out there who see this as socialism, please be sure of its definition. Wikipedia has a lengthy set of articles on the subject. “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”*

But what do I know? I’m just an Obamaniac who only voted for the man because he was black.

If you’ll excuse me, I have  to go offer a few goats to the Obama shrine I have hidden in my closet while I wait for him to reveal how he fooled the world.

Or I could “worship” someone else which sounds like a much more enjoyable use of my time.

auf Wiedersehen, meine Fruende.

*Godwin’s Law is an observation made by Mike Godwin on (paraphrased) how the longer a discussion goes, the greater the likelihood that a comparison to Hitler is coming.

**The quote is directly from The Princess Bride

***Photo credit goes to Quentin Taratino’s Inglorious Basterds and its official site.

****The phrase translates to “goodbye, my friends” in case anyone was unclear.

Where Do I Go From Here?

March 15, 2010 10 comments

As of this morning, I’ve been accepted to both.

Seriously Higher Education Gods? You want one of the most indecisive motherfuckers on the planet to choose where they’re going to spend the next 2-3+ years? I have trouble deciding what I want for dinner most nights.

And now the clock is ticking.

All I can say is that I all ready know and love New York City so LA? Need to see your A-Game when I come visit. You’ve got a lot of ground to recover.

Although I must admit that I find bears infinitely more awesome that a bobcat. And as I would feel nowhere near the bowel-voiding terror in front of a lynx, that is a point in UCLA’s favour.

As a Southerner, I have to think about which is more galling. Becoming a West Coaster or becoming a Yankee?

No, no contest there. The teasing I would have to endure from Tink alone decides it.

Lastly as Scarlett is heading to Stanford, being a mere 5 hour drive away instead of half way across the country is pretty damn appealing if I don’t say so myself.

So Elizabeth? Jenn?  Think LA is big enough for this southern transplant? I promise to be a good neighbour.

Don't think I won't.

*I honestly don’t know which to pick.

**No, I really would not live it up to a coin toss or the (mostly) rather silly reasons listed above. I’m not that stupid. I think. Give me alcohol and you might get a different answer.