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Love Harder

January 22, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s two days late but WordPress is finally letting me publish posts again.

Our Plea

Our friend Brandy is a brilliant writer, a wonderful teacher, and a generous friend.  And she is in love with a man who has just been diagnosed with multiple myeloma.

We are raising money for the Multiple Myeloma Research Fund in his name.  For the price of a cinnamon dolce latte, half-caf, hold the whip, you can be part of an effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.

http://www.loveharder.org

Every dollar brings us a dollar closer to a cure.  And every donation brings a sliver of hope to a girl who needs all the hope she can get.

Love Harder,
Kendall

What You Can Do

  • Give. Be part of a worldwide effort to cure a disease that affects approximately 750,000 people worldwide.  Every dollar helps.
  • Pass it on. Forward this story to five people.  Share this blog post.  Become our fan on Facebook.
  • Love harder. Life is short, love is unbending, and no one knows what could happen next. Tell someone you love them today.

Where Your Money Goes

  • The American Institute of Philanthropy recently named The Multiple Myeloma Research Foundation one of the best organizations to give to in terms of their accountability and use of resources.
  • By working closely with researchers, clinicians and partners in the biotech and pharmaceutical industry, the MMRF has helped bring multiple myeloma patients four new treatments that are extending lives around the globe.
  • The MMRF has advanced twenty Phase I and Phase II clinical trials. They need your support to advance these clinical research programs and accelerate the development of better, more effective treatments.
  • The MMRF’s Multiple Myeloma Genomics Initiative recently became the first to sequence the multiple myeloma whole genome in its entirety.
  • A whopping 98% of your donation to the MMRF will be used immediately to support high-priority multiple myeloma research.
  • With diminishing funding for early stage drug development and the next myeloma treatments not expected to be approved until 2011, the MMRF desperately needs your help.

DONATE: http://www.loveharder.org
CONTACT: theloveharderfund@gmail.com
FACEBOOK: http://facebook.loveharder.org
MORE INFO: http://www.themmrf.org

Update: Over $3,000 has been raised so far. tres mil. And who says the Internet is filled with a bunch of uncaring people? Also? The store went online today here

“Life hard. Love harder.”

This? This Is My Heart. See How It Breaks.

January 11, 2010 26 comments

Sunday  evening, a few of you caught my outburst on Twitter, I apologize for that. For those curious, I am better now. Not a lot but I am no longer in danger of curling into a ball and sobbing or smashing something in anger.

Probably would have been both.

What could destroy every single shred of emotional stability I have like that, you ask?

If you have been reading this blog prior to last June or just read back through my archives, I make it pretty obvious that I adore children. We’re talking kid fever like woah. This is part of why I came to care for Daybreak as much and as fast as I did.  If I’m in the supermarket and there is a baby around, I will make silly faces at them without fail. My paternal instincts have been turned up to 11 and have been since I hit puberty.

And in that lies the irony that played a big part in my hating God for almost 6 years.

Because of some damage to my testes, I have a very low sperm count. (Very simplified explanation.) As a result? Sterility.

The guy who wants kids so much so that it hurts? Can’t have them.

While I had known for years that I would have trouble fathering a child, going to a doctor and finding out that it would actually be a damn near impossibility outside of in vitro or adoption for me to have kids…there were tears. I eventually accepted this fact (as much as you can accept something like that) and had decided that when I was fully ready I would just adopt. Have to admit thought that it was easier to hide when I was a teenager and only two or three people I knew were having kids as opposed to now where seven couples are expecting, one just had a baby girl last week, and two others are actively trying.

Every single time I see a baby, I kind of melt into a puddle of goo. And even though it does hurt, I still love to make them smile or laugh. Seeing those eyes light up and hearing a loud giggle as they kick around leaves me with a huge smile on my face.

I am OK with that.

Then this happened.

Said video was also accompanied by a message saying I needed to  learn to deal with the issue.

Seriously?!

You, as my friend, think you are doing me a favour by shoving that in my face? Bet you were surprised by how pissed I was at you during that phone conversation huh?

Would you send someone who had a permanent limp a video of a man running a marathon and tell them to deal with it?

No?

Then why the fuck would you send me something like that?!

I don’t get why taking a small moment to think before doing something is so hard for people. We aren’t that lazy, are we? It’s called compassion folks, practice a little.

The events of yesterday cost me a friend of 2 years. And as apparently I should be able to deal with this  (in her own words, “keep how it affected me to myself and deal with it as a man ” and that I should not be angry for her “doing her duty as my friend”) I was told that she would better off without me.

Feeling’s entirely mutual, bitch.

Not letting it show how much things affect me led to me almost putting a gun in my mouth. I’m never going back to that. I refuse to.

So I’m going to bandage the new bruises on my heart. I’m going to find my happy place. And I’m gonna move on with my life.

Last night was not in the least pleasant. So after I hung up the phone and was trying to bottle the emotions until I could control them, I decided not to. I let it out and then I tried to find something that made me happy. Just one thing.

There really was no contest there.

And with tears still falling, I danced.

Even when my heart was clattering against the floor, I still found it in me to smile. That, dear friends, is dealing with it. The best way I know how.

*Thanks to everyone who sent me good wishes and checked up on me last night. You all win at life. Seriously.

**Super oh-my-god-I-would-hug-you-if-I-could thanks go to BelleRenee who having never heard of me nor knowing what my situation was not only sent her own good thoughts to me and asked how she could help but did not hesitate (there was seriously like a 2 or 3 minute wait) to agree to give me permission to use her famous vlog for this post.

***Comments are open on this post. Please don’t make me regret that.

I Love…Fridays Vol I

January 8, 2010 8 comments

This idea comes from PQ who you should all start reading now if you aren’t all ready. Because she is seven different flavours of awesome.

I LOVE…that this frigid weather is an excuse for me to wear the toboggan I got for Christmas. Because being able to wear one of my hats to work is ALWAYS a great way to start the day. Yes, I do have a hat fetish.

I LOVE…that so many people have commented, tweeted, texted, and/or e-mailed me about writing a review of the Pocket Gal for next week’s TMI Thursday. Done.

I LOVE…that the fabulously badass Liz from It’s Unbeweavable, in a spur of the moment Gchat conversation, gave me the e-mail for Dave at Eden Fantasys to talk about the possibility of being a reviewer for male sex toys. Being paid to write? Awesome. Being paid to write about fun things that I can get off to? Crazy. Being paid to write about things that get me off and that are sent to me for free? Crazy awesome indeed.

I LOVE…that my flu has finally calmed the fuck down and I feel human again. Being able to eat stuffed french toast from IHOP? It gives me a happy. In my mouth.

And in my pants.

I LOVE…that there was a 2 hour delay which means that I was able to spend time with The Girl at IHOP for said french toast. The Girl who I have only seen twice since Monday. And who I may have spun around and made out with in the parking lot for a tick.

I LOVE…that at about 5:20, me and Scarlett will be boarding a plane to New York City to see Wicked tomorrow. On BROADWAY. And going BACKSTAGE! Stupidly excited about this people. Like may just pee myself a little. That’s forgiveable in this instance, right?

I LOVE..that I’ve managed to clean my house from top to bottom while home sick. It helped beat the boredom and keep my mind off cramps. We’re talking sweeping, mopping, dusting, organizing, and general pick-up.

I LOVE…that I am now guaranteed to graduate cum laude and if I can get A+ in my last two classes this semester, magna cum laude.

I LOVE…that while I had so much time at home, I made a bunch of new friends on the Internets and especially around 20SB. You guys are absolutely fantastic. To everyone who sent me get well wishes, suggestions on books, tech help, and just generally made me smile or laugh, you rock.

I LOVE…that my seniors made me a huge welcome back card when they heard I would likely be back to work today.  Considering how much work I’ve had them do since August, this made me grin like an idiot.

Dear Friday, if I could I would totally motorboat you. That is just how awesome today is.

Keep up the good work.

Love,

Kendall

That First Kiss (or The One Where He Proves How Stupid He Really Is)

January 13, 2009 2 comments

This is my submission for the 20SB January Blog Carnival.

“We are starting off the New Year thinking all about “firsts.”

So, tell us about your first kiss! Sloppy, magical, awkward, non-existent? Spill it!”

Oh, Internet, the things I put myself through for your entertainment.

Let us go back to January 2007, to a time when me and Tinkerbell are not dating yet. Actually at this point neither has admitted out loud to liking the other. We are on the hallway of her floor as she has (for 2,502,713th time) stolen my cell phone. In a moment of what I thought was brilliance I held her wrists while reaching for the phone.

“I bet I can get you to let go of me.”

“How is that?”

Now I had assumed she meant kneeing me in the stomach so I prepared to move out of the way. I obviously had forgotten just who exactly I was dealing with and a lesson around Tinkerbell is to always always ALWAYS expect the unexpected. Before I really knew what was happening, she had leaned up and kissed me.

Folks if anyone had taken a picture of us at that moment here’s what they would have seen.

Me with the single most pole-axed look I think I had ever had in my life and one hand absently touching my lips.

Tinkerbell with a smug grin on her face as she stepped out of my loose grip.

Because I was convinced there was no way she could like me in that way, I reasoned to myself she was merely playing around. Despite the fact that EVERY. LAST. ONE. of our friends told us to stop going in circles and start dating. Hell, one mutual friend actually refused to speak to us until we had started dating.

God, I was such an utterly clueless bastard.

But wait, it gets better.

Now I had been too surprised (which I want to beat myself for in hindsight) to kiss her back but my chance came about a week and a half later. She had walked me down to my floor as my knee had decided it wanted to be a bitch and was thus concerned I would fall down the steps. Now what she could have really done if I had aside from calling 911 I don’t know but it’s the thought that counts right?

Anyway, I digress.

So we’re standing outside the door and I looked at her and now knowing that she did like me I decided ‘to hell with it’ and kissed her. I don’t know about fireworks but I was most definitely lightheaded after we broke apart. We were both slightly out of breath and me being who I am just have to say something to ruin the moment.

“[Tinkerbell], what the hell are we?”

Yes, you did read that correctly.

To her credit, she merely laughed at my question instead of slugging me in the face.

Instead she has deigned not to let me live that down two years later.

Le sigh.

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