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The More Things Change

October 18, 2011 Leave a comment

So I write this in an apartment in New York City with my future wife on her laptop not four feet away. And I wonder is this my life?

I look back on this blog and I see where I was three years ago.

I started the Confessions to help me be able to be open about myself and in that, I succeeded beyond my admittedly low expectations. This time in 2008, I was unsure of myself in pretty much whatever I did whether it be school or work or just my relationships with people.

Amazing what change a few years can bring.

But what I’m getting at is that maybe the reason why it was so easy to let real life wash away my inclination to blog is that I’ve outgrown the need for it.

This one at least.

I am still a writer. I still have notebooks and a few GB worth of various story skeletons and character designs. I still think of possible backstories for interesting strangers I pass by day to day.

Just don’t know if I’m a blogger any more.

If not? Then I will look back on that time of my life fondly. If I am? Then this blog is going to have to change because as strange as it is to say, that after 15 years of self loathing and anxiety, I have learned to accept myself and have no shame about just who and what I am.

Heh, look at me getting at sentimental. I have a few ideas for this little corner of the interweb so we will have to see what comes out of it as we move towards 2012.

This whole confidence thing is still kind of strange, almost like a new pair of jeans you really like but don’t fit just right as you haven’t broken them in yet. I wanted to figure out just who I was back at 20 so now that I have my answer?

Hi, I’m Kendall Arrington. Writer. Teacher. Student. Cook. Blank Shooter. Northern Southerner. Burgeoning New Yorker. Abuse Victim. Self-Deprecating. Former Homeless Kid. Amateur DJ. Witty. Lapsing Devout Catholic. French Toast Lover. Mildly Repressed.

Pleased to meet you. I hope we become good friends, warts and all.

Thanks for the adventure, folks. It was often hard and sometimes damn scary but maybe that’s the part we don’t get as kids. That happy endings are not just a matter of course. They’re earned. You fall down again and again but sometimes you find just the right spot and it’s gold.

Maybe I’ve finally learned that I am worth having one.

Ain’t that something?

‚ÄúPromise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”

Preach, Christopher Robin. Preach.