Last time on The Confessions of an Odd Duck:
In the past few years, I have been able to track my pattern where women are concerned.
Boy meets Girl.
Boy and Girl become good friends over time.
Boy and Girl jokingly flirt.
Boy twigs that Girl may not be joking.
Boy freaks out, broods, waffles on whether to do something about it.
Girl informs Boy he is being an idiot. Kissing may be used.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
With the exception of Scarlett, this is how EVERY SINGLE ONE of my relationships has gone.
Boy Meets Girl.
Boy and Girl realize the other is their snarky match.
They antagonize each other for a few weeks like 1st graders.
Boy and Girl find out they both like Call of Duty.
Girl makes Boy her bitch.
Boy and Girl bond over video games.
Girl has her tires slashed and quite a bit is stolen. Boy is called to pick her up.
Boy stays with Girl as she has mild breakdown.
Girl officially declares Boy one of her best friends.
When Boy’s roommate disappears after they get into a fist fight, Girl and her roommate largely take him in.
When Boy discovers his girlfriend had been cheating on him, Girl is the first to try and help him through it.
Boy realizes he might have feelings for Girl. He fights it completely.
Boy and Girl rent a house together.
Boy plays matchmaker for Girl.
Boy and Girl feel like they have lived together for years come Christmas.
Boy and Girl go to New York where Girl’s old roommate cottons on to how Boy might feel.
Girl seems to be flirting with Boy. Boy is terribly confused.
During a spring break trip to Cancun, Girl and Boy own up to how they both feel.
And now here we are. Those of you who saw the post yesterday or cottoned on to what I was talking about on Twitter, your eyes were not deceiving you.
Am I young? Yes. Am I financially stable? Yes. Am I emotionally stable? Against all odds, yes. Do I see us being compatible enough to make this kind of commitment? Hell yes.
My entire life I have always wondered if I am going enough for things. Second-guessing myself has long been second nature here. But I am self-aware enough to acknowledge that I can and do make her happy. During a conversation over coffee with Pippi, I admitted out loud how close I was to at least buying the ring, she questioned why I hadn’t all ready.
This woman knows me better than 95% of the people in my life. Nine years of friendship probably helps. So to hear that from her shouldn’t have surprised me even if it did.
She pointed out how I’m less flighty with Scarlett. How her edges seem to soften with me. How fiercely we go to bat for each other. How we are utterly unafraid to piss the other off if we think they are wrong. How open we are with each other. How we like to just spend time together. She closed by saying that we act, and have for a long time, like any happily married couple she could think of.
And as I thought about that, I reviewed our relationship since those first days in Chapel Hill, and realized she was absolutely right.
I want this. I want my life to be with her. I want to wake up at 70, look over, and see her sleeping next to me.
Hence why Sunday afternoon saw me roping Marilyn into helping me pick out a ring. And why Monday had me calling her parents for That Talk.
But various heartbreaks have beaten caution into me. I remember how happy I was with both Tink and Eva. I remember how those both ended, even if Tink was entirely my fault. I am trying to let my mind rule for a bit over my heart and if you know me, you know how hard that is. Looking before I leap does NOT come naturally.
That is why I am waiting on popping the question. Really do not want to imagine how it would feel to get turned down on that one. It’s no longer a question of “if” but “when”.
But, like the optimist I somehow am, I see the silver lining here.
This delay gives me time to plot how to do this.
Because after this tweet from A Mom In Real Life, I feel like there may be a challenge here. I have a few bare-bones ideas but nothing remotely concrete. Over the next few months, I am probably going to be asking you all for advice on how to do things. Especially our tech savvy bloggers.
After all, anything worth doing is worth doing right.
*Half the title of this post is directly lifted from the lovely Jeney. Who if you hadn’t congratulated her on her engagement yet, you should. Now.
What does Christmas mean to you?
Well in my case,
- singing carols with breaks for hot chocolate and hot apple cider
- watching the excitement of a young child as they loudly thank Santa for his yearly bounty
- enjoying the chaos that surrounds the shopping centers and malls.
- reading these words to young ones, “…and all through the house, not a creature was stirring. Not even a mouse.”
- deciding what decorations should adorn the tree this year.
- the smell of freshly baked gingerbread trees.
- making a mouth-watering meal for Christmas.
- the pit-pat of little feet rushing to presents.
- snuggling under a blanket with a loved one.
- walking down the street and taking in all the decorations from nativity scenes to lights as far as the eye can see.
- leaving a plate of cookies and milk for Santa on Christmas Eve.
- curling up on the couch to watch It’s A Wonderful Life, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, and A Christmas Story.
- going to sleep early and then waking up at dawn on Christmas morning to open presents, even years after you stop believing in Santa.
- remembering the nervousness that characterized the wait between your letter to the North Pole and Christmas as you pondered your fate- were you naughty or nice?
- remembering when you yourself were small and you would sit in the lap of a mall Santa, a long wishlist on the tip of your tongue.
- the smile that lights your face the first time the tree is lit.
- being wrapped up in loved ones and them being wrapped up in you.
I think that about sums it up.
So what does Christmas mean for you folks?
It’s that time again folks. My assignment from Mama Kat this week goes as follows:
1.) Tag! Post and write about the 6th picture from (the 6th folder of?) your Flickr account and then do the same for the 6th picture of the 6th folder on your computer.
This is a picture of Dolly posing with Ramses before the last football game against Duke.
I had yet to actually go to one so me, her, and Scarlett met Eva in the Duke section. That was awesome, especially the reactions we got when people noticed we were decked out in UNC paraphernalia.
Duke fan: I think you’re in the wrong section.
Scarlett: No, you just went to the wrong school.
Eva: (head in her hands) I don’t know these people.
Good times indeed.
By the way, we won that game 28-20. GO HEELS!
I’m sitting at the kitchen table in my parents’ house writing this. I’m tired, in a wee bit of stomach pain, and overall satisfied with the day.
Cool Things That Happened:
1. As soon as I arrived this morning, me, my mom, and my sister started cooking breakfast. French toast, scrambled eggs, Smith sausage, and hash browns. It was delish.
2. Uncle E & The Lady Friend finally admitted they were married. I saw The Grandmother starting to say something negative so I stepped in and gave them both hugs. Why would she be unhappy at her youngest brother being married? Well…it may have something to do with the fact that his wife is white.
3. Me, The Mini-Me, and Aunt C decorating The Godmother’s Christmas tree.
4. Speaking of The Godmother, I got to have a ball teasing her about a man in her life whom I shall refer to as Hopeful Godfather (HG for short). She has been divorced since before I was born and I am happy to see her spending time with someone.
5. Eva had me stop by for a while at her mom’s where I had homemade apple cider for the first time. I think I’m just addicted to any apple product.
The one bad thing to happen today was me not really being able to eat Thanksgiving dinner. Know the saying “I am my own worst enemy.” In my case, that’s true. My stomach is my worst enemy. Le sigh.
I managed to get along with The Grandmother and my dad so I am feeling quite accomplished today. Sadly a lot of the people I wanted to see didn’t come to town.
I figure since today was Thanksgiving and all, I should name at least one thing I am thankful for.
I am thankful for the people in my life. They who have accepted me for who I really am and love me anyway. Who I can go to for a hug, a laugh, or just a simple smile. I am thankful that I have been blessed to know them and try my best to help them be happy. So thanks guys, even when I am on a sugar high from hell and you want to duct tape my mouth shut, I still love you.
Now I need to get to sleep as me and Scarlett are braving Black Friday in Raleigh tomorrow.
Oh and I am also thankful for this
Thank you Far! I love it.
Enjoy your Turkey Day/Thursday Everyone!
P. S. Please be safe.
Tonight’s a short post, sorry folks.
I make no secret of the fact that I am a nerd.
So when Scarlett called me yesterday and said they had bought Gears of War 2 for the XBOX 360, there was no way I or The Bait were going to turn down coming over to play it. Is it strange that I find butchering masses of monsters while making quips with my friends relaxing?
Now ask me if I give a horse’s left nut.
Folks, the nerd in me was near orgasmic level in happiness. Take a short gander as to why.
Best quote of the night (Me and Scarlett vs Marilyn and The Bait):
Scarlett: “I drive, you shoot.”
Marilyn/The Bait: “Shit.”
This is going to be my last post until Monday probably so hope everyone has a safe and relaxing weekend.
P. S. Bonus points if anyone can tell me where this post’s title comes from.
Sometimes it is cathartic to spend time with your friends. So often I am too busy stressing to just chill. Too preoccupied with getting things done that I forget to relax.
Like a flashback to the summer; me, Eva, and Imogen spent a day just being our goofy selves. I had not realized just how much I missed this. School, and most specifically tests, did not exist today. Schedules were a thing of the past. Our only jobs were to have fun. There was no such thing as a budget.
This was just S, K, & C: The Comeback Tour.
- Went out into the courtyard outside my apartment and attempted to tie dye some sheets. Ended up with more of the dye on ourselves than the sheet but it was still a blast.
- Made a huge pile of leaves to jump in. Now sporting a lovely scrape on my back from jumping in with Eva in my arms.
- Decided to take a trip to the pond and fed breadcrumbs to the ducks there. Had a butterfly land in my hand which was very cool.
- Had someone coming from the game (drunk as all get out) ask if we were all dating each other and commenting that I was a lucky bastard. Proceed to spend the next five minutes screwing with the poor guy’s head.
- Watched Sweeney Todd and Juno. I was informed quite matter-of-factly by Imogen that I had a crush on Helena Bonham Carter, couldn’t believably deny this charge. Loved the music so much that I had Limewire downloading the soundtracks to both during Juno.
- Made a pizza entirely from scratch with whatever toppings we could think of. According to Eva, “it’s like my stomach is having an orgasm.”
- Decided we hadn’t had enough singing and went out to do some karaoke. Me and Eva got a standing ovation singing Aladdin’s “A Whole New World” and Faith Hill & Tim McGraw’s “It’s Your Love”. Deciding to do a silly song, we got Imogen on stage with us to sing Rocky Horror’s “Time Warp.” Great times.
- Came back to my apartment around 1 in the morning, all showered and changed into sleeping clothes, and camped out in my living room. Decided to be complete nerds and tell ghost stories with requisite flashlight.
- Woke up with Eva snuggled against my back and Imogen’s foot almost in my eye.
- Decided to hit up IHOP for breakfast. Mmm, french toast. Me and Imogen proved we really were 5 at heart and spent a good bit of time flicking bits of hashbrown at each other.
- Imogen went home and me and Eva headed back to my apartment. Not sure who kissed who first but we end up having quite lovely slow sex. Afterward take a nap curled up together.
- See her home, decide to crawl in bed and continue reading A Lion Among Men.
Sometimes it is wonderful to just spend a carefree day with the people you love. I didn’t think about the tests or papers I have coming up. I didn’t stress about my mom and dad’s divorce. I wasn’t worried about finding (and affording) an apartment or townhouse with Scarlett next year.
I was completely destressed, a feeling I had forgotten over the last month.
I was just Kendall.
And damn if that didn’t feel fantastic.
When was the last time you took a day to just live?
Tonight I am more proud of my country than I have ever been in my 20 years on this Earth. To all those in Grant Park tonight, enjoy yourselves and be sure to take lots of pictures. I need to live vicariously through you.
You are witnessing history in the making.
To those who did not vote for President Obama, I ask that you can put it aside and let us work together to be a better America for all her people. I ask that you allow him to earn your trust. This is our land, both democrat and republican. And we are stronger together than we are divided.
As for myself?
I go to bed with a smile on my face and a song in my heart.
Ah, why the Hell not.