This, my dear friend, is a wake up call. Or better yet, an intervention.
I know you’re broken. And I know you are cursing yourself for opening up and not listening to your head over your heart. I also know that you are thinking you’d have been better off without knowing Eva.
At the risk of sounding childish, “liar liar pants on fucking fire”.
You care too much about people to ever be aloof again. That time? It’s come and gone. Your days of actually being coldhearted? Over. That part of you is in the past, leave it there where it belongs.
I know you have all ready started the process of shutting people out. I’ll do you this favour and let you know that the people you’ve come to know are at once too stubborn and too protective to let you flag about all on your own. Even people you’ve never met in person have offered to help.
As for thinking you’d have been better off without Eva, and by extension Daybreak, you’re a dumbass. Did she hurt you? Incredibly. But in the end, you know now that you can make a relationship work. You also know that down the line, should you ever have a child you can do leagues better than your own father. That fear of turning out like him is a thing of the past.
It is OK to be angry. It is OK to be confused. Despite what you have trained yourself to believe, you do have the right to feel that way.
In spite of what you said during your rant to Tink, you do still believe in love. You are still an optimist at the core. Somewhere, buried beneath all the baggage and other trauma, is someone who believes that love is worth the risk and possible fallout. More importantly, that it doesn’t have to end in pain.
You still see the good in everyone. You still have the ability to forgive if someone is sincerely sorry. You are still a good man. You are still the same impulsive, headstrong, caring, and more than slightly quirky individual you were before all of this.
Don’t change that.
So stand up and walk forward with your head held high. People still think the world of you and I will be damned if you let them down.
You are stronger than this. Better.