Posts Tagged ‘random amusement’

The One Where He Answers Your Questions.

February 2, 2010 7 comments

Thanks everyone who checked up on me yesterday, I’m still unsure how exactly I feel about being single again so no comment there just yet.

Now on with the show.

First, my short white twin asks: “if you could be any animal, what would you be and why?

Well Heather, my answer would have to be the platypus. Yes, that thing. I would love to have the privilege to feel like I was God’s joke on the world. Seriously, when explorers found it that they thought someone was having them on. That it has the bill of a duck, the tail of a beaver, and the feet of otter is crazy enough. Those feet are tipped with poisonous barbs. Strange but not more much than everything else. Oh and did I mention it’s one of only 5 mammals that lay eggs? Yes, I said it lays eggs. Being the Frankenstein’s Monster equivalent of the animal kingdom would be great. Why? Because I’m an asshole like that.

Now, LCT asks: “What one thing do you want to achieve in life?

Well no easy questions here ma’am. Sigh. I have a lot of life goals like convincing Kathy Griffin that I could totally be her intern and being there should the Atlanta Braves ever win the World Series. But I guess the top one would have to be that when I die I know that, despite my fears as a teenager, I have done good with my life.

Mindy asks: “Can 22 be the age where you FINALLY meet me?

As it seems the North Carolina bloggers are a skittish bunch when it comes to meet-ups, I may just have to drive out west to see you myself. If I do, I promise to bring food.

Jean asks: “What is something that makes you laugh?

Well as I am one of the most easily amused people ever, it is a really hard thing to pin down. TWSS. As I grew up watching Mystery Science Theater 3000, I grew to love watching and riffing on movies that were so bad, I loved them. Con Air? Armageddon? Street Fighter? 2012? The hammy acting, special effects failures, and physics research failures were hilarious to me. Please note that I do not believe anything from the syph outbreak known as Uwe Boll actually exists. There is such a thing as crossing the line.

Ari asks: “what song makes you dance-like-no-one’s-looking every time you hear it?

Like an uncontrollable urge? Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal. That is the only song I will full-out break dance to when in public. The fact that I’m actually a good dancer lessens any embarrassment significantly.

Akirah asks: “what is your favorite alcoholic beverage?

Three words. Hot. Buttered. Rum.

Four more words. Orgasm. In. My. Mouth.


And lastly, Mich asks: “If you won the lottery tomorrow, what is the first SPLURGE item you would buy?

Ooh I like money. If you just want the first then I would have to go with…


Any other questions for me? Go here and send ’em in.


Spreadin’ The Love

May 29, 2009 5 comments

Thanks for the wonderful comments on yesterday’s post, you people make my heart sing a little.

Now for those of you on Twitter, you may have heard talk of a new show.

In a douchebag brilliant move, after Fox finally ended American Idol for this season (I watch the show mainly for the humour of auditions, sorry) they had a sneak-peek premiere. For a show that doesn’t start airing until September. Fuckers.

That show?


However, as I wasn’t watching TV that night I completely missed the airing. Then certain friends on Twitter were starting to talk about it. My interest? It was piqued.

So last night me and Scarlett sat in front of her laptop and watched the pilot on Hulu.

And again.

And again.

All of this culminated in a full rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”.

A tall black guy and a short blond girl singing and then proceeding to dance around like drunken howler monkeys on a bad acid trip (just go with it). Always a good time at our house.

Moments like that make me really wish I had a video camera.

So what are you still waiting for? Go to Hulu. Now. Watch it. And join in the party. One that won’t leave you with a VD.

To my knowledge.

Here’s wishing you a happy Friday, my freaky darlings.

Just as she obviously is. Hello Nurse.

Just like hers obviously is. Hello Nurse.