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I Know Why She Sings: Musings On Porn And Arousal

June 17, 2010 1 comment

Let’s talk sex for a minute.

More specifically, let’s talk porn.

Porn is strange.

While some of it is utterly ridiculous (porn parodies) and some of it is utterly disgusting (rape fantasy and the vast majority of hentai spring immediately to mind), the majority of it is just…OK. Not great, not horrible, just OK. It’s there. The women are usually gorgeous in the surgical knife kind of way and it is often good for a few laughs and new ideas.

Attraction?

Well yeah.

Stimulation?

Not really.

100% of the time, my own imagination will make me hornier than whatever scene I happen to be watching. For example, back in high school (10th grade I think) a bunch of my football teammates were huddled around a laptop to watch some porn. All I really remember was that it involved cheerleaders but I digress. I hung about for a bit and spent the entire time wondering what the big fucking deal was.

I grew up around female nudity so a few pair of bare breasts are not going to affect me, especially not on a screen. Pictures, even moving ones, do nothing for me and haven’t since puberty hit me full-on. Remind me to tell you all the story of watching Titanic for the first time.

Doesn’t help that I was largely asexual until I was 17. Aren’t the after effects of sexual abuse and repressed trauma wonderful? Actually, come to think of it I am still not a very demonstrative person in public. No wonder there were so many rumours about me being in the closet. I may joke about switch-hitting for Alexander Skarsgård and Adam Lambert but I can’t wrap my mind around kissing a guy much less having sex with one.

Sorry, I sometimes go off on a tangent.

As if you hadn’t noticed after nearly 2 years.

But I have noticed one thing in particular, in that I am very much auditorily stimulated. Pretty ambivalent on the question of “are you a legs/ass/boob man?” but damn if a throaty voice does not make me all hot and bothered. Add in an accent and you pretty much have a situation requiring me to say, “I’ll be in my bunk.”

So being the curious person I am, I decided to experiment a bit. I browsed the internet for some free porn that would not gangbang my Mac with viruses and then turned the screen away from me.

The results were intriguing to say the least. I found that without being able to see anything, I picked up every single moan, gasp, and sigh which my very overactive imagination used to fill in the blanks. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself immensely.

When the euphoria wore off a bit I was able to look at it somewhat rationally and could see how the experience easily fit with my normal sexual behaviour. I do admit to enjoying verbal foreplay along with listening to the various sounds my partner makes throughout as it enhances the experience.

Whether this is due to male ego or reciprocal pleasure as I know she is pleased or even some combination of the two remains to be seen. Taking my personality into play, my money is resting solely on the theory of reciprocal pleasure.

My own kinks aside, I can safely say I will enjoy further testing on the matter with the girlfriend should she be willing.

Betting on a resounding “yes” there but never hurts to ask.

So for those who don’t mind, what physical traits do you find attractive in others? A certain hair colour? Height preference? A particular region’s accent? Why or is it just something you can’t explain?

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TMI Thursday: The Little Death. That Delicious Little Death.

January 14, 2010 13 comments

You know how this works by now, loves. Welcome to TMI Thursday: The Sex Toy Edition

Word of warning before we start, I’m going to be talking about masturbation in this post. A lot. So if that kind of talk makes you uncomfortable, then please go here and come back another day.

You’re still here Reader?

Good.

It’s going to be an interesting ride to say the least.

My thought upon seeing the Pocket Gal was: “This isn’t going to cover me.”

But I figure I should give at least a little credence to one-size-fits-all and put it away. Not going to use it when I’m not horny. It’s like eating when you’re not hungry. No fun.

So come Tuesday, I was feeling The Itch.

Figuring I had about two hours before Scarlett got home from work, I decided to take my toy out for a spin.

Gotta admit though, I felt horribly weird at first.Then I got into it.

Having gone cold turkey for a while, my orgasm was more intense than normal. Had it not been for that I wouldn’t have gotten nearly as much use out of this thing. And when I say more intense, I mean my legs were like jelly and I had that glorious little high of post-orgasm happiness.

I tried it again last night for the purposes of my review and well, my opinion of it kind of lowered a bit.

Because I like to end things on a good note (TWSS), let’s start with the negative side of this sitch.

  1. The toy is short. We’re talking 4″ inches here. Unless you’re below-average length, there’ll be no going balls deep on this one. It is good for stimulating the tip of the penis and the ribbed texture does feel good but unless you’re going through a serious dry spell there is nothing spectacular on this front.
  2. The big problem I have here though? Cleaning. The end is open so you will have to clean up the mess afterwards. Plus this thing isn’t pure silicon so you can’t really sterilize it. Using a condom here is definitely recommended as that simplifies things greatly. Also would not recommend using this to practice oral skills on for this reason and the fact that it does not feel good to the tongue. At all. Don’t ask.

So on to the good side of things now.

  1. The material is transluscent so you can see yourself moving in and out. For those who are very visually stimulated, I can see this as a turn-on.
  2. This thing is superbly portable. I’ve checked and it fits into the pocket of jeans, coats, backpacks, or in luggage for those solo trips.
  3. Training. Guys and women who are thinking about getting this for their FWB/boyfriend/husband, remember how I said that this toy was short and good at stimulating the tip of your penis? This toy does work as a good, if not great, trainer as it is easier to control ejaculation with just the tip. What does this mean? More lasting power. Something I can’t imagine anyone would really complain about.

My final thoughts?

For my first toy, it is a decent go. It’s very affordable at a bit over $20 plus shipping. Works as a tool for orgasm training, if not oral. A bit on the short side, which was a negative for me, but I suppose it being termed the Pocket Gal is an apt description. All in all, it seems to be so OK it’s decent. Not too bad, not too good. Just average. Honestly, I suggest saving up for some of the better ones. The Fleshlight looks promising.

All in all, I give this one…

3 Katies Out of 5

‘Til next time loves…

*Seriously. This was a lot of fun to write.

**I seriously want to hug everyone who commented on Monday’s post. You people rock my socks.

***The “I’ll Be In My Bunk” image belongs to beefranck and is inspired by a line in Firefly. You can guess the meaning.


TMI Thursday: Where I Take The Plunge And Whip It Out. My Credit Card That Is.

January 7, 2010 16 comments

First let me say thanks my lovelies for all the book recommendations, I think I’ll be busy for a while. And an extra big thank you to Jean for that super list.

Now moving on to the main event of the evening afternoon morning.

Appearances can be deceiving.

People who don’t know me well assume that I am mild-mannered and timid. How this occurs is beyond my comprehension considering I drop the f-bomb like it’s going out of style and can turn most remarks to mean something perverted.

Most likely it’s that people see that most of my friends are female and from that decide I must not have much interest in the fairer sex.

Considering how much I love sex, that’s patently untrue.

Due to the fact that none of my close female  friends feel at all weird talking about their PMS cramps and how much a pain tampons are, people seem to forget that I am a guy. One, who while he may be discreet about it most of the time, thinks about sex as much as any other. If not more so.

So this dry spell? NOT FUCKING COOL.

Because of my old-fashionedness, I know that if I were to have sex with The Girl at this point then I would feel wrong. Why? Not fully sure. What I do know is that I’m not willing to fuck this up by thinking with my dick. Probably  good part of the reason why me and V imploded so spectacularly. Aside from, you know, the whole long distance and racial slur situations.

But whatevs.

Sometimes a  date with Rosie Palms just doesn’t cut it. Then Scarlett, in her normal fashion, simply asks why don’t I just buy a sex toy to help make things interesting.

The idea had never occurred to me. And for some reason, I felt ashamed for even considering it.

Long-repressed Catholic Guilt?

Then I remembered just who the fuck I am.

I’m the guy who can make a female jealous of a grape.

I’m the guy who laughed in a girl’s face when she thought a five-inch cock was huge.

I’m the guy who demonstrated his lack of gag reflex by sliding a 20 oz bottle into his mouth.

Senso Silicone Pocket Gal

It arrives tomorrow. *grin*

Happy TMI Thursday, loves.

*My toy was found here

In The End, So Worth It

July 16, 2009 7 comments

They sit down on the bench, looking up as the city was silent and the stars were out in full force. Her arms wrapped around his elbow as they both waited for the other to start the conversation both knew had to happen.

“We’re not going to be able to keep this up once we leave.” He’s the more pragmatic of the two.

“Would you want to?”

“Yes,” He saw no reason to hesitate or lie now.

“Why?”

“Because I honestly like you and have started to love you as a friend.”

“I must admit it; I will miss that blunt honesty. So the sex has nothing to do with it?”

“This whole thing has pretty much convinced me beyond doubt I’m not programmed for casual sex. Case in point, our one-nighter turned into a month long fling.”

“Just a fling?”

“We kept it that way. Why is something I’m not sure of.”

“One, the distance. Two, neither of us is ready for more. I still love [Tony] and you are only just getting over [Eva]. Not to mention the fact that both of us are pretty much open sores on legs.”

“That’s a lovely mental image.”

She elbows him swiftly in the stomach accompanied with a brown-eyed glare.

“No one likes a smartass.”

“You do.”

“Hmm, true enough.”

“So what does this make us?”

“Friends. With the definite potential for more” She kisses him on the cheek then on the lips before shifting to half-sit in his lap. She gives him a wicked smile before moving.

“Tease.”

“Coming from you, that’s rich.”

He sticks out his tongue. “I think if not for the fact that we’re both still hurt, we would be dating right now. But I must admit that the past month has been fun. Plus I get a friend out of the deal.”

“You are the only person I know who from serious to silly that quickly.”

“I defy description Dear so don’t bother trying.” He pauses. “This could just mean I’m nuts but how would I know?”

“Point.” She sees him about to open his mouth. “Mind out of the gutter. You do know that I expect you to come to the beach to visit.”

“You never have to try hard to get me to come to the beach.”

“And if we are both still single and attracted to each other?”

“Then we deal with it when it happens. No use worrying over it now. For the moment, we are friends, anything else can come later.”

He hugs her, feeling her nuzzle against his cheek as she returns it.

“Shall we head back in?”

He doesn’t answer but slides from under her to stand and hold out his hand. As she takes it, they walk inside the building. They end up talking until the Sun begins to peak through the trees about everything from school to Twilight to the heaven that is apple pie. Future looks bright indeed.

While both have been burned by love, the past month had healed a bit of the damage. Both would tell you it was completely worth it.

*Ex-SO names changed to protect privacy.

TMI Thursday: Rub A Dub Dub

April 2, 2009 8 comments

First for those who asked about the shenanigans yesterday. While I did not manage to take a picture of Scarlett and Marilyn’s reactions, I did snag one of one of my neighbours doing something interesting.

dapenis

Speaks for itself, don’t it? I think I’ll make the boob cupcakes next time.

Anywhoodle welcome to another lovely edition of TMI Thursday, my freaky darlings. Remember how I said I would probably never be able to top my close encounter with Aunt Flow? Yeah, I apparently get off on outdoing myself. It’s bad folks, it’s bad. Goes without saying but there is a sexual content warning ahead.

But please enjoy the show.

—————————-

I’m sure all of you will agree that a shower at the right temperature and pressure is amazing.

And sex…well that goes without saying.

So putting the two together is something truly glorious indeed. I think I’m just turned on by water but as Eva is quick to point out I’m a perv a la Jason Biggs. Yeah, can’t fully deny that one.

It was an unusually warm day and we had it entirely to ourselves and ended up spending about 2 hours playing basketball and heading to my apartment for movies. Now at this point, we’re both sweaty so a shower and change of clothes are most definitely in order.

I promise the following conversation is verbatim.

Eva: “As Earth-conscious young adults, we should conserve on water.”

Me: “Did you really use the environment as an excuse to get me in the  shower with you?”

Eva: “Yeah. Lame huh?”

Me: “More like I’m impressed you said that with a completely straight face.”

So cut a bit later in the shower (and Eva, I don’t think spending so long in there counts as being conservative — just sayin’) where she has her back to me as we have our fun. Now as I have her hair in my face I can’t really see what I’m doing down there, keep that in mind folks. As I was much more interested in the sense of touch at that point I didn’t mind too much.

Yeah, that was a mistake.

After a rather…spirited move on her part, I slipped out and in a haze she spins in my arms and after telling me to hold steady pretty much impales herself.

Normally there might have been mild discomfort for a few seconds because of the force and then it goes away. Not so in this case. I find myself somewhere a good bit tighter than I’m used to and she lets out what sounds like a grunt. Her description, not mine. Apparently I was holding myself differently than what she had thought I would.

The end result?

The jigsaw puzzle was put together but not in the way we intended to.

I start to pull out when she tells me to stop for a second and let her try something. She does. I almost lose it right there.

Her only response?

“This could be fun.”

*Note: I originally wasn’t going to share this one but Eva insisted it was a bit too funny not to. I personally think she enjoys the e-infamy more as much as I do.

tmithursday

TMI Thursday: Why Pretty Much Nothing Can Scar Me

February 26, 2009 8 comments

I originally wasn’t going to participate this week as I had nothing recent that could top ingesting my girlfriend’s menstrual fluid.  Keyword of that being recent.

Now as I’ve mentioned before, I worked in a small restaraunt for my entire high school career. My two coworkers, Lina and Gwen, had nominated themselves as my big sisters and acted the parts. They themselves had also been dating for years.

It’s the spring of 2005 and I’m in New York with their families and other friends for their wedding. Now as I was the only male aside from their dads Lina’s dad said he would go help me pick out a tuxedo from the rental shop. Lina says no, they’ll take me as it gets them away from the estrogen brigade. Her words, not mine.

So I’m with them in the backseat of a taxi and looking around Manhattan as we bob and weave through traffic. I’m a 17 year-old male. Next to a gorgeous 22 and 23 year-old. Keep this fact in mind.

It is also important for you to know one fact about Lina. While she was a tiny thing, she was also the single horniest person I have ever met. When I heard girls try and say that guys were more perverted, I would think back to that taxi trip and laugh.

I hadn’t been paying a whole lot of attention to the conversation going on next to me but then I heard a very low moan. At first, I brushed it off as my imagination until I heard the same thing again. I turn now to be met with a sight that even four years later is still pretty vivid. Lina had apparently gotten bored and pulled out a vibrator the size of my finger.

Me and Gwen both look at each other in horror as we can’t say anything to her as the cabbie would hear us. Nothing puts the damper on a wedding like an arrest for public indecency.

So after I’ve gotten my tux and we’re back at the hotel I’m there when Gwen asks what the hell she was thinking masturbating in the back of a cab.

Lina’s response?

“Would you rather I brought out the dildo instead? I’m not completely indiscreet.”

It says a lot about my relationship with these two that:

A.) This was not my first time seeing a vibrator in real life.

B.) This was not even close to the first time I heard these talking about sex.

C.) That my only thought was “this nut is going to get arrested on her wedding day” and not “holy shit, there’s a girl masturbating right beside me”.

TMI Thursday: Open Mouth, Insert Aunt Flow

February 19, 2009 13 comments

~WARNING: SEXUAL CONTENT AHEAD~

Apparently in a previous life, I looked up at both Murphy and Karma, flipped them off, before pissing in their cereal bowls. That’s the only explanation I can think to describe Tuesday’s situation.

It is normally pretty hard for me and Eva to spend time together in the middle of the week so when an opportunity arises we’ll more than likely take advantage of it.

So when I get a text message during class asking if I had time to meet Eva back at my apartment for lunch and sex, I was all too happy to say yes. I pick up some Chick Fil-A for us both on my way home and meet her down in the parking lot of my complex.

Actually let’s skip the food and conversation to get right down to the nitty gritty.

Now I love oral sex. Both giving and receiving. So as I’m relieving some of Eva’s stress, I notice she starts to squirm and thinking it’s just an orgasm I keep focused on my task. As I was expecting fluid to leak into my mouth, I wasn’t at all surprised when something hit my tongue.

Then I notice that what I’m tasting has a copper taste to. In fact it tasted a bit like…

My eyes shot wide open and I had hopped off the bed and shot toward the bathroom sink in the span of less than ten seconds. By the time Eva realized I had moved away, I was all ready brushing my teeth vigorously. I spat the toothpaste down the drain before rinsing my mouth out and going back into my bedroom.

Apparently there was still some blood on my chin as Eva thought my sudden departure was due to injury. “Did you bite your tongue open or something?”

I shake my head.

“Then where did the blood on your lips and face come…from…please tell me that what I think happened did not really happen?”

I nod.

“You mean I started my period while you were licking me?”

I nod again.

She covers her head with one of my pillows and lets out a muffled scream. I go over to her ginormous purse, riffle through it for a few moments, find a tampon, and place it in her hand. She goes off to put it in while I try and wrap my mind around what just happened.

When she comes back into my room, all plugged up, she looks down at herself and asks out loud why her period had to come early and “can’t a girl just get laid around here?”

I start to snicker.

She gives me a death glare. I start to actually laugh.

She huffs and throws a pillow at me. I take it to the head and am now nearly crying from laughter.

As I’m wiping the tears from my eyes, she asks in her most indignant tone just what about this was funny.

I look at her for a minute, shrug, and say that this must be karma’s payback for me vomiting on her boobs.