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Posts Tagged ‘sometimes I have to shake my head at life’

TMI Thursday: Rub A Dub Dub

April 2, 2009 8 comments

First for those who asked about the shenanigans yesterday. While I did not manage to take a picture of Scarlett and Marilyn’s reactions, I did snag one of one of my neighbours doing something interesting.

dapenis

Speaks for itself, don’t it? I think I’ll make the boob cupcakes next time.

Anywhoodle welcome to another lovely edition of TMI Thursday, my freaky darlings. Remember how I said I would probably never be able to top my close encounter with Aunt Flow? Yeah, I apparently get off on outdoing myself. It’s bad folks, it’s bad. Goes without saying but there is a sexual content warning ahead.

But please enjoy the show.

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I’m sure all of you will agree that a shower at the right temperature and pressure is amazing.

And sex…well that goes without saying.

So putting the two together is something truly glorious indeed. I think I’m just turned on by water but as Eva is quick to point out I’m a perv a la Jason Biggs. Yeah, can’t fully deny that one.

It was an unusually warm day and we had it entirely to ourselves and ended up spending about 2 hours playing basketball and heading to my apartment for movies. Now at this point, we’re both sweaty so a shower and change of clothes are most definitely in order.

I promise the following conversation is verbatim.

Eva: “As Earth-conscious young adults, we should conserve on water.”

Me: “Did you really use the environment as an excuse to get me in theĀ  shower with you?”

Eva: “Yeah. Lame huh?”

Me: “More like I’m impressed you said that with a completely straight face.”

So cut a bit later in the shower (and Eva, I don’t think spending so long in there counts as being conservative — just sayin’) where she has her back to me as we have our fun. Now as I have her hair in my face I can’t really see what I’m doing down there, keep that in mind folks. As I was much more interested in the sense of touch at that point I didn’t mind too much.

Yeah, that was a mistake.

After a rather…spirited move on her part, I slipped out and in a haze she spins in my arms and after telling me to hold steady pretty much impales herself.

Normally there might have been mild discomfort for a few seconds because of the force and then it goes away. Not so in this case. I find myself somewhere a good bit tighter than I’m used to and she lets out what sounds like a grunt. Her description, not mine. Apparently I was holding myself differently than what she had thought I would.

The end result?

The jigsaw puzzle was put together but not in the way we intended to.

I start to pull out when she tells me to stop for a second and let her try something. She does. I almost lose it right there.

Her only response?

“This could be fun.”

*Note: I originally wasn’t going to share this one but Eva insisted it was a bit too funny not to. I personally think she enjoys the e-infamy more as much as I do.

tmithursday

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Conversations With A 4 Year-Old

March 5, 2009 6 comments

“Hi Papa, I have to ask you something.”

“Of course Daybreak, what do you need to know?”

“Well,” I can practically hear her twirling her hair over the phone. “Mommy wants to know if you want to eat with us.”

“[Eva] wants to know or do you want to know?”

“Umm…umm…” She whispers (in the loud way kids do). “Mommy is just too shy to say it.”

Oh really? Your mom who is even less shy than I am? Riiiiiiiight.

“Well I have to work until tonight Sweetie but if you ask your mom nicely, maybe she’ll want to see me as well.”

She pipes a yes before I can hear her talking to Eva in the background.

“She said yes and…what was I supposed to say again Mommy?” I hear Eva sigh and speak before Daybreak continues. “She said we can have pizza tonight. So how has your day been Papa?”

“Eh it’s been just fine [Daybreak]. I’m just a bit tired.”

“You need a nap Papa, do you want me to read you a story?”

Before I can tell her no, it’s OK she has launched into a very spirited retelling of The Emperor’s New Clothes. As she finished she goes, “and the moral of the story is that you are just better off without clothes.”

“I don’t think that’s what the moral is supposed to be Sweetie.”

“But if he was nakey, he’d be free Papa.”

You know how people say you get what you did to your parents turned back on you with your own children? This must be what I get for those times I would shuck clothes as soon (or even before) I got into the house.